Tom Cruise

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The talented and much applauded actor Tom Cruise is actually 7 foot 4 inches tall, but so severe is his insecurity about his tremendous loftiness, he demands that everyone around him wear stilts at all times, thus creating the effect of being of shorter than average height.

His wife, an equally respected member of the acting community, has recently given birth, however no pictures of the newborn have yet been disclosed. This is because due to a clerical error during the IVF process, she has given birth to a sloth.

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