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14 is not a true number - it is two numbers; one and four.
Tchaikovsky famously scored the 1812 Overture with cannons, but this was not the only weapon he implemented into his music. In his less well known piece regarding ninjas, shuriken and rice flails...
Rapper 50 cent was so named because he can only distinguish between 50 different scents.
This was once a matter of contention with 50 cent, who claims to suffer from hyposmia, when showed a...
The late '80s was actually over 20 years late, resulting in a time-infux of '80s phenomina well into the next couple of decades. Some people think this points to the possibility of an experimental...
At 57.8 × 106 (S·m-1), the aardvark is the most electrically conductive animal in the world, with a conductivity close to that of annealed copper.
The abacus was one of the earliest known ways of counting beads. The abacist simply strings his or her beads into a 10x10 frame. When the frame is full, the abacist has collected 100 beads. It was...
The first 'Flying Ace', Terry Wogan, was so called bacause he managed to shoot down 1 enemy plane during World War I. Previous to this, no-one had managed it, as the prevailing technique was to fly...
Aftershave was invented by Arthur Sweeny Kiddlestone in 1856. His skin was so sensitive, the only way he could bear to shave was by being absolutely soused on gin. He would then chew a mixture of...
When reversed, 'Alabama' sounds the same backwards.
Alabama State University is actually located in Wyoming, resulting in a 1700 mile round trip for students.
If all the world's Alans got together for an Alan Convention on the Isle of Wight, the temperature of the planet would decrease by 1ºC. Time would also have to be decimalised.
Allens are not...
The official UK government response to alien invasion will be to form an orderly queue, followed by a petition, and possibly referendum over 'what's all this bloody nonsense about then. Eh?'.
An allegro is a weapon used by the ancient Celts. It consists of a length of wood, and several light strings, at the end of which a bee or wasp is tied. The string is always shorter than the wood...
The almanac was pioneered by Sir Presley Almanac, who used to write down anything he found particularly noteworthy. He later became an alcoholic, and the almanacs published at the end of his life...
There were originally 40 letters in the English alphabet, but 14 have fallen out of favour after arguing with the letter 'A' - the king of the letters. The next to go is likely to be 'E'.
With regard to the phrase "there's always one isn't there?" This is not strictly true. Occasionally, there are two.
America is the only country in the world beginning and ending in the letter A.
If the amount of tax that Tom Jones has avoided paying by living there for the past 30 years was laid out end-to-end...
The American Civil War began because somebody found a plaque dedicated to the brave people who died in the American Civil War, and felt that it would be a shame to waste it. The plaque was made as...
AOL was an attempt to move America onto the Internet due to fears of dwindling real estate. Iowa is the only American state to be moved fully online, and due to a Denial Of Service attack in 1996,...
In some parts of the world, the only form of anaesthetic available is to wrap rubber bands around until the affected area becomes purple.
Many countries throughout the world hear animal noises in a manner which our untainted English-hearing ears find distressing. Here are some of the sinister observations, categorised by...
When adopting anonymity, you are automatically assigned a serial number and ID code which is linked to a national anonymity database that holds every piece of personal information ever documented...
When William Wallace discovered antioxidants in 1673, they were blue. Now antioxidants are a dull reddish colour. This, if anything, is a clear indication of global warming.
Every 10 years the Antipope and the Pope have a wrestling match to decide you lives in the Vatican.
These matches are always extremely one sided as they should both have the Antichrist and Christ...
Anumeracy is the conscious decision to disregard numbers. Although aware of numbers, the anumerate will instead prefer more vague terms, such as; 'some', 'many', 'few'.
Famous anumerates include...
Aphids are caused when grasshoppers sneeze. They are said to be caustic to plantlife, although this has never been proven, and is considered superstition by many "garden masters".
It was well known that Christ suffered from apostles, but research shows that there was treatment available in the form of an ointment about the time he lived (0BC - 32AD).
Bramley apple sauce is exactly the same substance as that found in Mr Kiplings apple pies. This allows the process whereby any leftover mince pies can be transformed instantly and effectively into...
Aqueducts were originally built ‘to allow mountains to cry’.
Archimedes, the famous mathmetician, had one weakness: He could not see the number zero. This type of selective or localised dyslexia is extremely rare, but he coped remarkably well, despite his...
Aretha Franklin has an honorary docterate in electronics from Mitchigan state. She also volunteers as a part-time firefighter.
The UK Armed Forces (Navy, Army, RAF, RAC & AA) were heavily criticised for their handling of the first two world wars. In the post war years, legislation was introduced to make the Armed...
In the 15th Century, French knights used to wear heavy oak armour concealing various secret drawers and pockets. It is from this we get the armoire, or dressing table.
The definition of an artifact is anything of artistic merit which has been unearthed after a period of time underground. If it has a vague religious connection or a lot of caked-on dirt, it may be...
Asparagus is a grass closely related to bamboo. Although slow-growing to start with, it accelerates as it matures. The inhabitants of the isle of Wight must munch their way through 4kg of asparagus...
The atkins diet was a quirky but unsuccessful form of weight loss. After a large initial take-up, an atkins shortage loomed as the atkin producers were unable to supply the large demand for their...
During 1939, a secret experiment was held to discover whose side the Atlantic ocean was on. Thinking that the power of the waves would be instrumental in aiding raids against Nazi U-boats, the...
Auld lang syne is a traditional bluegrass song about an old sign in a village in Kentucky that nobody could read*, as they were all illiterate, or permenantly drunk. This is sung on New Years Eve...
Any mention of jars will cause an Australian to flee.
The famous baseball player Babe Ruth hit so many home runs, that at one point he was hitting nearly 2 home runs for every baseball manufactured - at that time 80,000 a day.
Baby food, such as cherry tomatoes or baby sweetcorn are at the centre of a worldwide scandal, in which fundementalist vegans are arguing that consuming the baby veg is cruel and...
The musical entity Coldplay consists of 39 members, but 35 are backup singers. The rest of the band must pick straws in the event of the death of one of the starting four, and the winner is chosen...
The collective noun for doplhii is traditionally a 'pod', except in the case of groups of exactly 13 dolphii.
Ball bearings aren't manufactured, they actually grow as a crop on a farm in east sussex. The farmer decides what size of ball bearing is harvested by using a magnet on a bit of string. If the...
The T at the end of the word ballet, is not, as widely believed, silent. Many people simply pronounce it in a French accent to make it sound more interesting.
In days past it was fashionable for women to wear long sweeping ballgowns. There was an element of practicality in this, as the most popular sport at the time was shit-kicking, and a lot of people...
Balsa, near Paraguay, is famous for its wood, it's vinegar, and its lax attitude towards public execution.
The banana is classed variously as a herb, a tree, a fruit, a seed, a berry, a vegetable, a desert, a uniform, and a small transport company in the West Midlands.
Bananas were originally red. In a Nazi experiment during the war, they were made to feel jealous, then cowardly, giving them their current colouration. Additionally, only around 40% of bananas...
If you were to lean out of a high window (over 80 meters) and drop loose change, the resulting impact would have a force of roughly 300 tonnes, and scatter the change as far as 3 miles. It was for...
The act of 'Baptising' people into religions can trace it's origins all the way back to 1426bc. In the area of Britain that is now Hampshire, tribal mystics would 'Baptise' children by smashing...
The Barbantuan technique was an early method of underwater communication, using 2 pieces of string. It was similar to morse code, and is still used in some parts of the world. Its use was...
The Caribbean Island of Barbuda is to change its name to Singapuda after a 73 year legal court case. Since its birth, Singapore had always contested that it and not Barbados was the geological...
The numbers at the bottom of a barcode are completely meaningless. The purpose of a barcode is simply that when transposed onto the correct beamcode, it spells the products name.
Self-styled Brummie, Barry Cryer caused contoversy during an episode of Countdown. When prompted for a brain-teaser, he yelled out; "YOUR BRAIN'S A FUCKING IDIOT", shocking the audience. The tirade...
The longest baseball game ever went on for 22 miles.
It is estimated that between 1979 and 1986, over 90% of all food sold in American restaurants was served in a basket. The resulting boom and bust in wickerware forced hundreds of thousands of...
A castle used by bastards.
In the North of England, tapwater is supplemented with lemon as a safeguard from scurvey due to the popular all-batter diets.
In 2007, Timeout magazine described Battersea as "hell on earth".
It was later discovered that the part of Battersea visited by their correspondant was on fire, and that generally, that part of...
Bauxite is one of the few minerals entirely piratical in nature.
Bavaria is a small country that imbodies all of the stereotypes people think of when you mention Germany. It has a population of 23,000 and it's currency is Flippancy.
In Bavaria, "Benjamin...
Since the BBC was split in 1952, two of its most popular channels, MI5 and MI6 have been privatised.
All bears are Catholic, with the notable exception of Pandas. Pandas denounce Jesus as a prophet, and a regarded as sectarian fundementalists.
Beavers do not, as commonly suggested, live in lodges. They sleep in the open, and hover roughly an inch above the ground.
Many people know that hamburgers are named after the city of Hamburg, but it is not commonly known that there is in Germany, a small town called Beefburg.
The city was originally planned to be laid...
Maurice Gibb of the popular disco band the Bee Gees died aged 53. He passed away towards midnight, January 12th 2003 after suffering from a fever.
The computer animated feature film 'Alvin and the...
A bees flight is caused by the insect shivering; this is why they emit a buzzing sound. Bees are always cold.
Scientists have developed a way to measure the social behaviour of fruit and vegetables. Beetroot is entirely inconsiderate.
Bees are generally classed as Workers or Drones, but the increase in bee-unemployment over recent years has led to calls for a new classification system, and better schemes to help the bees. The...
Belinda Carlise is actually one of 3 original Belinda Carlisles, who share the workload between them. However the deaths of two of the Belinda Carlisles (one in 1988, one in 1996) has led to a...
Whiskey is traditionally drunk from a bell in Scotland, hence the name "Bells whiskey". This practice was stopped when it was found that putting a full bell down on a table resulted in the precious...
Bells whiskey was originally developed to be marketed with Whistles cigars. Originally thought the stronger of the pair, the cigar line was cancelled after market tests proved the high pitched...
A version of paper scissors stone can be played with one's belly button, however the rules depend on the day and phase of the moon, and it can for obvious reasons, only be played once.
When the Berlin wall was torn down in 1985, many people were left homeless or exposed, having built their houses against the wall (saving money on bricks). The exposed activities of each household...
Bertrand Russell claimed on his deathbed that he had "missed out" on fame and fortune. Throughout his life, the argumentative philosopher shunned celebrity, preferring the quiet life. His reported...
Every 13 years, many counties join in an international competition to present the best sound in the World. Unfortunately, the future of the competition looks to be in dire straits after fighting...
Bhuddism is commonly known as a the most peaceful of faiths. This is because during the quest for enlightenment which Bhuddists strive to obtain through practices such as meditation and channelling...
During the song 'Stabbing you with my insertion' performed at the Collesium, Bigby suffered a record 37 heart attacks. Bigby's doctor explained; "Why the fuck isn't he dead? I don't understand...
Bill Oddie is backing a government plan to replace all Englands wild bird species with seagulls by 2012. The seagull is seen as a hardy alternative to other species, especially migratory species...
Binge drinking is an acute problem in Russia, where, on average, every adult drinks 4 bottles of binge every day. In total per day, that's enough binge to fill sixty Olympic-sized paddling pools.
Binoculars were invented in Sweden in the 1850's as a result of the decline in popularity of bino parks. The bino is a large flightless bird native to Sweden, and the first binoculars were a simple...
The word biscuit is from the latin bisque-etten, literally 'bisque absorber'. The predominantly oat biscuit was introduced as a side-dish to dunk into bisque or other soups.
Blackberry devices use vitamin C to 'squirt' data across to the nearest Internet. This then produces a stain by 'packet smearing', which cannot be removed until the Internet reaches its...
Black pudding is made of pigs blood, but frequently, the large white specks in black pudding is mistaken for fat. They are in fact, giant white blood cells.
It is considered good luck to headbutt the blarney stone as hard as you can. The more you do this, the luckier you will be. One man headbutted the stone so much, he won the lottery 3 weeks in a row...
Deborah Harry of Blondie is terrified of musical instruments. When recording an album, she is required to be locked in a shed at least 3 miles away from the rest of the band. Her live appearances...
In the Summer of 1970, a group of mathematicians at the American Institute of Mathematics in California created a number so large it sheared the fabric of time, blasting all four members of the...
Sir Henry Blooming-Idiot was a British statesman and Prime Minister (when he was known as Lord Blooming-Idiot). His reforms, although radical for the time, bought about great change for good while...
Blowfish are so called, because their plastic-bag like body causes them to be gusted around busy town centres if ever removed from the sea.
Bluegrass is originally a type of jazz originating from Kentucky. The musicians, too poor to buy their instruments would instead constuct them out of turf. Affictionados of bluegrass describe the...
Blue whales are giant robotic vacuum cleaners developed to clean up 'ocean dust', also known as plankton.
The huge storage capacity of optical discs such as Blu Ray are useful only in theory. In truth, all the information ever written would only amount to around 20Gb, and the entire Internet would fit...
Internationally renowned comedian Bob Carolgees died of cerebral palsy in September last year, EXACTLY a year after his split with his partner Spit The Dog. After working successfully for years on...
Bob Dylans original name was Dylan Bobb. In 1945, he created a concept album in which he berates a pear for over 2 hours before screaming a string of obscenities. The album was not a success, and...
Bob Holness insists on the title 'His Royal Holness'. He refuses to explain why.
Bob Salad is the most wanted criminal in the world. An obsessive collector, he soon turned to crime, and has committed every criminal act there is. Chief inspector Bob Salad of Scotland yard said...
Bolton was originally a floating island before it was permentantly tethered and bolted to the coast of England. Natives of Bolton are still furious about this and consider themselves part of...
The French phrase "bon apetit" meaning "enjoy your food" originates from an ancient French delicacy. While occupying coastal areas in the south of Africa, local French dignitories were served up a...
Bon Jovi is French for 'great joke'.
This is quite simply the only worthwhile piece of information about Bon Jovi.
The longest distance that a boomerang has been thrown and caught was recorded by Professor Charles Angas Hurst. In 1952 Professor Hurst and a team of mathematicians devised a series of experiments...
Boris Johnson is widely recognised as the most genetically perfect human being to have ever existed. He has endured a lifetime of fine cognac and panama cigars to achieve this status. His...
The perpetually changing structure of the bossanova means that it is always the newest style of music - although on December 13th 2003, the general consensus was that it sounded rather like Jazz...
As late as 1987, the USA army's primary hand-to-hand combat technique was based principly around the Boston crab. Some have targeted over-use of this technique, sometimes used in favour of...
The bourbon is a tall flowering cereal crop native to North America. It was ubiquitous among early American settlers who would use it for bread, biscuits, and even distill it into whiskey. The...
The day after Chistmas is traditionally the day when everyone in Great Britain fights. This was possibly the doing of the Earl of Tewkesbury before he was put to death for Thespeism.
Boy George finds nearly eveything incredibly funny, but rarely - if ever - smiles. A huge fan of stand up, Boy can be found in the audience of many well-known standup acts where if the camera is...
Brain cells are like buffalo herds. The herd can only move as fast as the slowest and the weakest. These laggers-behind will, more often than not, be the game of predators, and in it's inimitable...
The term 'brain food' relates to a thought experiment by Dr John Keller of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology. In this experiment he determined how much of his own brain a human could eat...
In bread production, it is possible to substitute both yeast and flour with the material found inside a Rubik’s cube, without compromising the quality of the bread in any way. In fact, during a...
Breakdancing was invented by Diana Ross in 1976 when she fell backwards during a performance. The crowd were astonished to see Ms Ross seemingly levitate to her feet from where she lay on the...
It is perfectly possible to breath underwater, but many people panic when trying this (causing drowning or death-like symptoms). The key is to breath through your nose.
There is a gap within the annals of international bridge, with the announcement that there will be no 2008 world champion. The controversial decision was made after an outbreak of violence in the...
Brie is the ingredient used for plastering walls. The circlular sections of brie show that the plaster is hardening, as the outside is white and the inside is still tacky. The French discovered...
In June 1944, the entire world played the largest game of British Bulldog ever. Attendance was manditory, and effect of friction on the ground of over 3 billion pairs of feet slowed down the earth...
Since the 1970s, Britain's rail transport system has been mismanaged to such a catastrophic extent that it has had to be officially re-classified as a type of fruity pudding.
Prior to 1987, the best thing that could possibly occur to someone, was Broadway.
Brunch must contain at least one piece of toast. Otherwise it is just called a late breakfast.
Bubblegum is the only thing which cannot be destroyed. The opposite of bubblegum is inumeracy.
Bullfighting was an early attempt to teach cows self-defense. The plan backfired, as the animals were so clumsy, people decided it would be funnier to tease them before putting them to death.
A bumbaclat is a type of small iced cake or fancy, popular in the west indies. In recent times it has been considered uncool to be seen to enjoy the cakes, but really, everyone does.
A bloodclat is...
The humble art of the bumsmith is all but forgotten. The last remaining bumsmithery closed in Wales in 1996 forcing 200 bumsmiths out of work. The closures are blamed on modern production...
The Bunsen Burner was not invented by Bunsen. It was so named because Billy Bunsen’s colleagues used the device to torment him.
Burgandy is a wine, a colour, a food, a country and an insult in that country's language.
Author Keith Burgandy plans to write a novel in the hopes it will become a screenplay, then a blockbuster...
Burglary, originally buglery, was a fast military in-out maneuver accompanied by blasts from the tiny trumpet. Early burglars adopting this technique quickly found it to be more productive not to...
The main crop of Chile is the burkha. The burkhas are harvested and ground down to produce grenadine.
If you happen to burn yourself - perhaps on a hot stove - there is a brief chance to outrun the burn if you act quickly. By sprinting away, the burn becomes confused and returns to its source.
Bus drivers are inherently evil. Hand-picked from the most violent offenders the country has to offer, training for the job includes; kicking babies to death, gutting pensioners and immediately...
Bus shelters are the most perfectly aerodynamic stuctures ever created by man.
When waiting for a bus in England, it is considered improper, even if you know the fare, to make any preparation before embarking the bus. People will be quite happy to wait in line when you...
Confusingly, butterflies live almost entirely on a diet of margarine.
The off button was invented 2 years before the on button, and in the intervening period was widely decried as being useless. However both were rendered obsolete by the on/off switch, and later the...
Cabbage eaten underwater can cause schizophrenia. At the very least you'll be asking yourself why you did it.
The answer to everything that duct tape isn't.
John Cabot named his ship Matthew. But like all ships, it was actually a female.
If your left hand is dominant, you are left handed. If your right hand is dominant, you are right handed. If both are equally dominant you are ambivilant, but if both are equally recessive, you are...
Camberwick Green was the site of a particularly bloody and gruesome battle during the English Revolution, where over a million people died in a single day.
The childrens television program of the...
The famous French cheese "Camenbert" derives its name directly from its two founders. Cam (Camilla Johnson) and her husband Bert (Bert Johnson), both originating from Canada, settled in the small...
Candelabra are large heavy objects supporting multiple candles. Given the reputation of the candlestick as a bludgeon, this only serves to make the many-pronged attack of the candelabra even more...
Captain Birdseye never actually attained the rank of captain, as he was tried and convicted of horrific war crimes during the conflict in the Falklands.
Capture! magazine voted Australians as the best captors in the world, citing their love of the phrase 'Not by the hairs of my teeth' as "a luxury beyond malice".
Capybara, the largest species of rodent in the world, achieve their enormous size by inflating glands in their chins with mucus to ward off predators.
They only inflate the glands during daylight...
Caramelised onions were an early and unsuccessful alternative to toffee-apples.
Due to a curious bye-law, it is a legal obligation in England to furnish every 3rd field under a certain size with a caravan. No-one has been able to distinguish a good reason for doing so, so the...
You can reduce your carbon footprint by standing on one foot. Ballet dancers have further improved this by standing on tip toe (carbon toe print).
Plugging any electrical appliance into a car cigarette lighter will just melt it.
Cardamom seeds, when eaten raw, have similar properties and taste to popping candy.
Cardboard is the national dish of New Zealand. New Zealanders have become bored eating lamb all the time, and have supplemented their diet with cardboard. Apparently Coco Pops cardboard boxes are...
A card shark is often confused with a card sharp (someone who uses skill or deception to gain an upper hand in card games). A card shark originated at the turn of the century, but saw a resurgence...
Care Bears don't actually care, especially about the enviroment.
They have been found to produce 4 times more Methane than Cows.
When questioned about this, they tried to blame their problem on a...
Car horns are annoying. The best and most surprising way of dealing with this, is to beat the shit out of their car.
Carl douglas used to be a costumed vigilante. His vehicle was a 1978 Dodge charger named "the Groovemobile".
Carol Vorderman has always had the same head, but frequently swaps bodies. The head, which can survive on it's own for at least 6 days, is a form of parasite which attaches itself to the host body...
During the process of carpentizing wood - to make a chair for example - it has long been practice to foment the wood using a laxative. This makes the wood easier to work, and extends the life of...
The carpet was invented as a direct result of the mass production of the automobile. Realising that it would be an immense inconvinence to travel in the vehicle with a pet, a specially designed...
Carrumba is a rank in the Portugese navy just above captain.
A person suffering from catelepsy will suffer violent seizures around cats.
By shaving a patch of fur from a cats back in the shape of a bottle of wine, it is possible to make it wear a beret, respond to accordian music and be rude to visitors. Similarly, a swastika will...
When "throwing caution to the wind" it is advisable to wear protective gloves, as caution often gets blown back into you and can give you a nasty burn.
Caviar berries are extremely difficult to grow, and require a very precise climate. The threat of global warming is driving the price of carviar steeply upwards. The caviar berry is closely related...
It is a well known wives tale in Finland that it is impossible to lie whilst chewing celery. It is still common practice for suspicious wives to provide a snack of celery and assorted dips for...
Up until the early eighties, lager and cider were pumped from the cellar to the bar with the use of young boys, 4 feet tall or under, called cellar boys, who would run on a giant hamster-wheel,...
Cellular phones are so called because the actual operational phone is a single cell. The rest of the phone is made for ease of use, otherwise it would be impossible to press the buttons.
One of the single most important discoveries in construction is that cement can panic. When cement panics, it sets harder and faster than usual.
Prior to 1962 cement would often take several days...
Cerebral palsy is a condition where the brain area disolves into the consistency of palsy.
CGI (or Computer Generated Imaginographics) is a method of creating animation and special effects in television and movies, whereby a series of powerful computers are used to control robotic arms...
Toffee-nosed Aneka Rice famously declared in her best selling book Challenge Aneka, that she would take on any challenge the British public could throw at her. Less than a month after the books...
The element of chance is measured on the Whitbread Scale of Deacons, and can be visually represented using the internationally renowned hand gesture of clenching both fists, with the index finger...
Charles Mansons horrific crimes are now suspected by experts to be related in some way to his early career as a nincompoop. His nincompoopery included: inhaling dry roasted peanut-dust, lighting...
The Charlston, Heston Style (known as the Charlton Heston) was an experimental full-contact dance closely based on the charlston. The dance begins with the two partners squaring off, and then...
Plans to make a film based on the life of Charlton Heston were shelved when the casting director couldn't find an actor good enough to play him. Even Charlton Heston himself was approached, but...
The father of English literature, Geoffrey Chaucer, was internationally famous during his life as a champion bog snorkeler, and as the only man to catch the cheese at the annual Gloucestershire...
Sainsbury's 'Basics' (an own-brand economy range) bitter costs less than 25p a can. This low price is achieved by the clever cost-saving device of the drink having no ingredients.
In 1994, a 5 year old boy swam from Hong Kong to Cuba in less than 10 seconds. He swam so fast, that he emerged 2 inches shorter as a result of compression. Unfortunately he had no currency and...
MB Games, the owers of the Chess brand have been working on a prototype Chess 2 game, but with special powers for more of the chessmen. Among other things, Bishops will be able to fake death, Rooks...
The best way to remove chewing gum from carpet is to burn it out with a lighter. It will, however, get worse before it gets better.
For a period in the 1920's, it became fashionable to craft musical instruments from chicken carcasses. The easiest and most popular were chicken drums, but there were also double bass and chicken...
Chimney, Chimley and Chimony are in fact all accepted ways of spelling and pronouncing the same thing. Chimney fell into popular use purely because it is repeated by cockneys so frequently.
A chinchilla is a tortilla cut into a beard shape. It is worn at ritual sacrifices in Mexico.
The 1978 onion crisis in China resulted from improper onion storage.
Chip shops were one of the earliest business models in history. The consumer would be drawn in with the promise of cheap, delicious chips, and then was tempted to buy perhaps a pickled egg or a...
The Christmas cracker was invented as a weapon by Bernard Manning, as a way of eliminating his enemy; the Woman, and the Child.
It is often cited in historical texts and popular culture that people laughed at Christopher Columbus when he said the world was round. In fact the actual reason he was laughed at, was that he had...
The Lead on the roof of churches is in place to stop the church from floating away. Churches are so large that when the heating is on it acts like a hot air balloon.
Churches have been seen...
Winston Churchill had a propensity, but it was removed with a groundbreaking surgical technique which is still used to this day.
Cider is not made of fermented apples as commonly suggested, as this involves rotting fruit, and is unhygenic. All natural cider comes from various cider fountains dotted around the English...
It is possible to create your own cigarettes using the shredded bark of a tree soaked in camphor oil in place of tobacco. While this will be virtually indistinguishable from a real cigarette, it...
Citroen cars are comprised of up to 20% recycled dandelion (depending on the model).
Many species of animal produce specimen who are unable to turn directly left or right. Instead, this is accomplished by 3 or more turns in the opposite direction. This faux turn is named a...
Clay pigeons are found almost exclusively around Clay county, Illinois, and are closely related to the English wood pigeon but are far larger. Ruthlessly savage for their species, they will attack...
Clemency is the term used when a condemned man is granted a citrus fruit drink before execution.
Cleptomania was originally a term to describe facination with platipi, but the meaning was stolen (by Ben Elton) and changed to it's current meaning.
The ranks of the ministers of the clergy, and also from their evil counter organisation, the diosces, are listed here, in order from the most important to the least:
Christ - AntiChrist
Pope -...
It has been known, under very specific weather conditions, for clouds to "bounce" off mountains. A resulting top-spin may cause localised so-called "mini-spinners". Should this hit another group of...
Shoemakers are traditionally known as cobblers because, even as late as the early nineteenth Century, conventional shoes were carved entirely out of stone.
The soles featured a carved 'tread',...
Welsh slang for soiling ones-self.
The humble coffee bean has been brewed into coffee for centuries, and until recently it's position was assured - but recently researches from a New Mexico university developed 'Coffee 2' brewed...
Astonishingly, there is only one recipe for cola drinks. The subtle difference in taste is completely dependent on how long the drink has been aged.
Coles Law dictates that bad things happen in 3's. Last year, in Ireland alone, over 45 people were arrested for breaking this law.
In 1972, toothpaste manufacturer, Colgate, developed a shoe that promised to keep breath fresh while the shoe was being worn.
However, although prototypes were developed, they had a negligible...
The collapsable ladder was intended as a practical joke. Somehow the first batch suffered a mechanical fault, but proved so immensely popular, the fault was never rectified. This runaway success...
Colombo's Peter Falk was noted for his unusual acting style. The show was completely unscripted, and would begin with Mr Falk drinking a litre of scotch for breakfast. He would then grow paranoid,...
To drop a comb while you are combing your hair is a sign of a combing disappointment.
The common cold, in its current form, has only existed since 1955. Until this point, there were 2 different colds - the Affluent Cold and the Proletariat Cold. In 1955, the launch of the television...
Communism is the name given to the traditional process of distilling vodka in the intestines of Siberian goats. So fiercely protective of this method handed down through generations are the people...
Compact discs (CDs) are a form of media used to display cartoons, or educational films on a computer. They work like a zoetrope, with hundreds of tiny, semi-transparent pictures. When a light is...
Both kinds of compass were originally used for drawing circles. By a happy mistake, the popular decoration of a small magnet in one type happened to point north, thus branching off into the two...
Tom Bosley, George Cole, Steven Seagal and Nana Miskouri are all confirmed to have won their fame in local newspaper competitions. Ukrainian president Viktor Yuschenko apparently won his aptitude...
Compton was originally named "compass-town", but shortened when Stationery Land was renamed to Los Angeles.
Arch. Early name for a Joystick.
Don't call us, we will contact you.
No really, we will.
Contact lenses were originally intended as a communication device.
Prehaps the greatest controversy in television history was when Graham Norton in his eponymous show, brutally stabbed Steve Guttenberg to death. Many are still suspicious of the remarkably lenient...
The name copper comes from the well known practice of throwing small change at policemen (coppers). The small change was then named copper instead of kjhjyth (greek for brown metal) which is rather...
Cork hats are a method Australians use to tell others how hard they are. The more corks hanging tell others how many bottles of wine you are capable of drinking in one sitting.
Many people have...
Everyone in Cornwall has Cornwallis as either a name or alias. It is one of the few places where Tobias Gainsbridge is regarded as being a less common name, although the county still boasts 14,569...
It is possible to have a cough and yet be unaware, if the cough has not been activated. It is estimated that up to 89% of the population of the world currently carry dormant coughs. The cough can...
Liverpool Council is made up entirely from ex Brookside actors.
They meet every Wednesday at the town hall to discuss important matters like "extra Job Seekers Allowance payments for ex actors" and...
Like the Nautical Mile, a country mile is slightly different to a regular mile. In this case, the mile is the other way around.
Country and Western is an amalgamation of country music and western music.
Country music dates back to 1763 when Colonel Patterson of Kentucky, tired of the bluegrass sound, created the first...
In cow language, 80% of the words are swearwords
Crabs are expert knitters. A full grow crab can knit a man sized jumper in under 2 minutes. The retail giant GAP has learnt to exploit this fact, employing crabs who are not even 11 years old.
Crab apples can only be eaten sideways.
The word 'crankshaft' has its origins in the insanitary trenches of World War I. It's the Anglicised word for a terrible inflammation of the penis suffered by many German soldiers.
A crate is defined as "a wooden box containing at least 12 of the same thing". A pallet is a crate with one side.
Celebrities have far less credibility than previously thought - up to 40% lower than even the lowest rated non-celebrity. The most credible was Donald Sutherland, who many believe to be more the...
The English name for crème brûlée is 'phlegm pudding'.
Creme eggs are vastly popular worldwide, and the brand is syndicated by Cadbury's to manufacturers such as Hershey's on the United States of America.
Occasionally the recipe is agumented according...
John Cadbury found the original creme hen in a hole next to his garden shed. The hen has since gone on to produce millions of creme eggs, which can never be fertillized, as there are no known creme...
The crew cut is infact a nautical haircut.
When captains were forced to make redundancies onboard a ship, they would do this by beheading shipmates using a cutlass.
Due to the drunken nature of...
Crimony is a salt pudding, popular in cockney London. Recipes can vary, but generally adhere to the rule of one part water to two parts salt.
In some Eastern European countries, crisps are to this day used a primitive form of contraception.
Croquet is the only word in the English language to have more sylables than vowels (including y as a vowel). This is due to the various clicks and whistles included in the word when pronounced by...
The Crosby is a style of hat resembling a glass fedora, but lavishly decorated with peacock feathers protruding from each side, and a decorative bird attached by a spring. It is the least popular...
In Paraguay, a crossing card was issued, so that pedestrians in a hurry could cross a busy road simply by displaying their card to the motorists. This was recalled after 2563 deaths.
A crumpet is not actually an item of food, but the device used in the creation of the food. The dough is mixed, then poured into the crumpet, where an expert crumpet blower will force air through...
The cummerbund was originally invented as a blindfold for the stomach.
Cup holders were originally a tubular shape, with a handle and a closed bottom. At some point, people started drinking straight from the holder rather than the cup, and the name was shortened to...
The word 'curdling' was coined in the 1970's when the Swedish National Curling Team (SNCT) began the practice of yodeling whilst curling. The reaction to this practice coined the terms "Blood...
A curmudgeon is a weapon similar to a walking stick, mainly used by the elderly.
Legend has it that curry was developed as a way to disguise rotten meat. The actual correct reason, was to use up the ever increasing stocks of spices, particularly curry powder.
The term for custard with jelly is "Kelly". "cream kelly" was a favourite dessert of Gene Kelly.
Custard Creams are the favored snack of degenerate and ill-informed biscuit lovers everywhere. The distinctive taste is derived from the tears of children. Custard creams are banned from sale in 37...
HM Customs and Excise is the government department tasked with thinking up new traditions, such as the jolly and much loved old Victorian custom of enforced euthanasia for the elderly, infirm and...
In Poland, a unique method of cutting grass has evolved, where the cut-ee swings a length of rope over their head in a lasoo like manner, before hurling it towards the offending lawn.
This has...
Cuttlefish (from Cutlery fish) shells make an ideal substitute when cutlery is unavailable. The downside is that everything tastes slightly of cuttlefish.
Dairy creamer is a milk-related substance that is often stored in small plastic pots, and added to coffee or tea. It is produced by boiling milk at a temperature of 390 degrees centigrade. At this...
Damien Hirst plans, upon his death, to be disected and suspended in formaldehyde in a similar manner to some of his works of art. Pressure from collectors is growing, as they say if he waits too...
Dance Dance Revolution provides 0.2% of Japans power.
Burdock is a plant imbued with almost miraculous anti-carcenogenic properties. Sadly, Burdock is most often consumed in a drink with dandelion, a well known carcenogen - so the cancer-curing...
Danes cannot perceive depth. Instead, they calculate it by skimming stones. If the stone is not returned, the Dane becomes disorientated and aggressive.
Darts were origanally invented instead of nails. The carpenter would throw the darts from several meters away, to ensure they held the piece of wood in place.
The "Hammer" was invented in 1976 by...
The international date office is based in Geneva, and from there it is decided what day goes when. They are terribly understaffed, and due to errors in this department, this is why it sometimes...
The well known annoying, squeaky voice is emitted from David Beckham when he talks because he is actually a seven year old girl with quite severe hormone issues. He is understandably reluctant for...
A strange side effect of Blaines "Dive of Death" 'stunt' in which he spent several hours upside down, is that he can now urinate only when suspended upside-down.
David Miliband holds the patent on the "Miliband" - a double-length necktie. Although the miliband never took off in fashion circles, David owns over 3000 and wears them frequently.
David Davison has won the David of the year competition 3 years in a row, and on current form looks unbeatable in this years contest. To date, only one person without the first name of David has...
Davy Crockett was born David William Hopper, but in fact was nicknamed David Croquet due to his undeniable skill at the game. The mispelling is in most part due to croquets poor popularity in the...
The 'dead mans hand' refers to the cards 'Wild Bill' Hickock was holding when he was murdered playing poker. However the name 'dead mans hand' at the time, referred to a game, whereby a deck was...
Many Americans agree with the death penalty, but on closer inspection, it becomes clear that many think the death penalty is an annual nation-wide barbeque.
The taste of defeat is an acrid metalic aroma. It is commonly used in French cuisine, due to its abundance in that area of the world.
The devil is notorious for taking on other forms. Here is a comprehensive list of all the things the devil has been:
Playing cards
Pockets
The number 2
Lord Cardigan
French
Rock music
Gambling
Very...
Sausages wrapped in bacon have varous names as a dish, including "pigs in blankets" and "devils on horseback".
The interesting item in this instance is the origin of the devils on horseback name....
The song 'sitting on the dock of the bay' by Otis Reading, originally recounted an earlier time when Otis found himself on the dock of the bay needing to urgently defacate. Thinking quickly, he...
Every episode of Doctor Who ever made has taken a maximum of two days to film. There were over 2300 epidodes originally, but only 19 were deemed good enough for release. Later, after a funding...
There is a common myth that the Dodo (Raphus cucullatus) has become extinct, but in fact the Dodo moved deep under the earths crust. Here they have created a vast dodo civilisation. They already...
Originally, it was considered a polite greeting to remove ones hat upon meeting or acknowledging someone. Laziness turned this practice gradually into simply gripping the brim of the hat, and from...
Dogfighting comes from a popular method of air-battle during the first World War. As opposed to firing guns at an enemy aircraft, an enraged Dog, usually a pitbull or similar sized dog was thrown...
In Russian, dogs are regarded to make a "Blish blish" noise
A doily (or doilie) is a small ornamental mat usually made of cotton or linen placed underneath a dish or bowl. The precise meaning or purpose of a doiley changes almost imperceptably with the...
Modern tuna-farming techniques pose a serious threat to dolphins who often get trapped in the large tuna nets.
Various attempts have been made to solve this problem, including one short-lived idea...
In domestic arguments, the woman is always wrong. This is not her fault, as under stress her brain ceases to function in a rational way and she loses the ability to form sentences. Any seemingly...
Eating 12 donuts in under a minute legally entitles you to a guided tour of your local post office.
A double negative is something which is really, really bad.
Only one side of double sided stickytape is actually sticky. The tape works because it's so sticky, one side sticks to things through the other side. This is what is known as polycystitis.
The popular cartoon series Doug was noted for its whimsical take on the life of a typical Charlie-Brown-esque American schoolboy. But what stands out most about the series run, is their decision to...
During his infomous dove-torturing experements, the artist Prince, found that doves make a noise not unlike an electric synthesiser when they cry. The small amount of research on pigeons suggests...
The drinking straw is named after 'Drinkin' Jim Straw', a legendary wild west figure. Several famous tales tell of his enormous capacity for alcohol, including one where he drank himself to sleep...
When slowed down, a duck’s quack is revealed to be the whole of ‘Bravo Two Zero’ by Andy McNabb, read in a Jamaican accent. But scientists can’t explain why.
Ductile strength refers to the amount of ducks a material can withstand.
The common material that is used to keep the whole universe from falling apart. Has a close association with cable ties
"The unbearable lightness of being Earnest" refers to Ernest Hemingway, who was so happy, he literally burst with joy.
Earrings were invented as a neccessity to the fishing industry in 1472, as a primitive way of weighing fish.
Acurate weighing could be obtained by balancing fish on one side and a weight on the...
Planet Earth celebrates it's bithday on July 15th every year. It is customary to give the Earth an Earthcake on this occasion, but due to the difficulty in preparing the delicious layer of magma,...
Earthquakes are caused when the Earth is scared. Earthquakes are not to be confused with earthcakes, which are deadly.
In Britain it is illegal to eat a hot dog on a unicycle. Although it is an ancient by-law it can still be enforced, and the crime is punishable by death. The latest case was Mr Walther Ponsney in...
There’s a guy in the place who’s got a bittersweet face and he goes by the name of ‘Ebeneezer Good’
He is currently redundant.
The term "ecclesiastical" when used out of context is potentially explosive and has properties similar to dynamite.
Echoes are not "bouncing sound" they are the result of "mime rocks"
Chickens don't come from Eggs, they are planted in the ground and grow up through the Egg. The Egg is laid by a chicken to mark the spot of planting, plus it acts as a tasty treat for the hungry...
The practice of egg-frying enjoyed a brief burst of popularity in 1984, with many popular celebrity chefs publishing entire books dedicated to the practice. Even dedicated egg-fried themed...
Egg-jam is a popular conserve made of pickled scrambled eggs. To conserve its rubbery texture in the acidic pickle, the egg is vulcanised, making it a nearly indestructible breakfast when combined...
Scientists at MIT in Boston are busy developing Electricity v2, a refined version of the naturally occuring phenomenon. The newer version will be able to power electrical devices with far less of...
The electric razor was invented by Jean Bic who found that he always cut himself shaving. Although this was in no small part due to spectacularly bad acne, Mr Bic had the solution with his new...
The largest electron microscope in the world is made up of over 3000 electrons.
The element of surprise was historically thought to be an important aid to victory, but research has found it has almost no discernable affect on the outcome of a battle. In laboratory conditions,...
The elephant is a mythological creature related to the iguana. In the last century, due to extensive cross breeding programs between hosepipes and walrii, Elephants have become widely available in...
All trees are related in some way except the Elm. Experts are furious.
Elton John is the landlord of the humourously titled "Elton Towers" block of high-rise flats in Peckham.
He became gay in 1995 to spite Sting, with whom he has a bitter rivalry.
According to many conspiracy theorists, Elvis did not really die, and is still alive. However if this were the case, Elvis would be 156 years old this year.
If you stare at a CV for more than 24 seconds you can actually believe you are that person. Most managers are aware of this so will only glance at a CV briefly, before destroying it. Employment...
The full-length version of 'God save the King' is 53 minutes long, and mentions the line 'god save our noble King' 237 times. The rarely played full version is accompanied by a synthesised...
Errol Flynn had such a long willy that while cycling, he had to attach it to his neck with a Bicycle clip. Flynns life ended in tragedy when the clip came undone whilst cycling down a steep hill in...
Most Eskimos can teleport, but choose not to. Eskimos are unable to vote.
Contrary to popular belief, Eskimos do not have 30 different words for snow. In fact, they only have one word in their entire language, and the fact that they have been able to form any kind of...
The 'Exceptionally Simple Theory of Everything' or 'Religion' is the domain of the weak-minded and the nearly-dead. Most religion centers upon blame (on a higher power or opposing religion). By not...
The only true all-purpose excuse is to state simply and unequivocably that you fell. This will never fail.
A home-made car exhaust can be constructed easily and cheaply using a cereal box and some cardboard tubes wrapped in tinfoil. For the catalytic converter, the shakey bit from a biscuit tin will...
The first stirrings of the existentialist movement were recorded in Argentina after the cancellation of the popular television show "Mork and Mindy".
The announcment was followed by a national...
Explosions are nearly always blue - the red/yellow colour is the effect of the noise from the explosion.
Many people have a certain amount of vagance, but when this increased beyond the normal threshold, the extra vagance can manifest itself as a hat, or sometimes tall shoes.
A fabrication gets its name from the protective 'lying cloth' used to hide ones face when telling an untruth. They briefly found favour in many parts of the world, but are still used in...
Facebook was started in an attempt by the British government to gather as much information as possible about its citizens, after the failure of the previous "National ID card" scheme. Astoundingly,...
A fact is actually a type of homemade lemon curd, usually served out of Tommy Coopers fez, served with a spork.
The false arch is a footware supplement designed to trick the foot into different shapes. Mostly used by ballerinas and professional dancers, usage comes at a price - after the foot discovers the...
Mamma Mia! Mamma Mia! Will you do the Fandango?’ sang the rock band Queen, but Mamma Mia could not do the fandango as she had a bad knee
Freddie Mac and Fannie Mae are set for a comeback. The duo's record label has hinted at a return to form for the pair who's last album suffered poor sales, leading to speculation that the pair may...
Fare-dodging is now illegal in Britain. A lack of conductors is blamed, however the dangerous aspect has been cited by many former conductors as a large reason for retirement. Conducters could...
Announcing 'And that's a confident appeal by the Australian wicket keeper' after a loud fart will instantly negate the smell.
Fashion is a system in which people are actively encouraged to display their individuality by going out and buying exactly the same fucking clothes as everyone else.
People who are particularly...
A type dress worn by soldiers in the armed forces.
It is not true that a cat will always land on its feet. If you duct tape the cats feet to its tail it will land on its head.
Each colour of felt-tip pen has a stong, distinctive smell. This is to enable the blind to draw in colour, even with a blocked nose.
The Ferris Wheel was a unicycle branded with Matthew Brodericks image.
Fidel Castro can only grow a forked beard. After experimenting with facial hair wigs, his private scientist managed to create a hair-glue to combine the disparate chin-hairs.
A filament is a thin ceramic hair-like device, which is heated, then used to make the gaps in combs.
Walt Disney's final film, 'The Rambunctious Mr. Crispy', never saw a cinematic release. The Disney studios burned all of the film prints, storyboards and painted cels after a private screening of a...
Fire is attracted to orphans, usually with disasterous consequences. Last year alone, 13,400 orphans were made homeless by fires, and 7 orphans were completely burned down.
The "Don't allow...
Firing a gun indoors is considered to be good luck.
Fire drills are directly accountable for a 10% loss of revenue across the economy.
A box or container where an individual keeps all the items that they might require to render assistance to a medical emergency or situation. however, most first aid kits are overpacked and filled...
Fish tanks were invented for the first World War. Specially trained fish were taught to fire the tanks, but the tanks were retired before service as they were found to be too fragile being made of...
The largest snake in the world is the Fizpatrick. The largest ever recorded Fitzpatrick was over 20 cubits.
Flava Flav went through extensive legal battles in the late 80's with the English musician, Flavour Flav.
Just as a television set recreates the full range of the spectrum by only displaying three basic colours (red, green and brown), the human tongue is actually only capable of tasting three basic...
As any ornithologist worth his salt will tell you, birds such as the Ostrich and Penguin are not actually flightless. Despite being fully capable of flight, they choose not to as they believe that...
'Floppy' discs for use with early personal computers underwent a media barrage of attacks in the early '80s due to their rigidity. In fact their floppiness refers to the disc inside a rigid case....
A flyer (or flier) is usually a small piece of printed card with a promotion printed upon it. The name flyer is derived from the propeganda dropped from aircraft during the American revolution. The...
Anything traveling at speeds of 500mph, even if it is in contact with the ground, is classed as flying.
Flying ants choose to breed in areas of poverty, their numbers increasing correspondingly as income declines.
A flying ant is featured in the opening credits for the television soap 'East Enders'.
Bats only fly left out of a cave if they really feel like it. They are all right-winged.
Fog is simply a cloud that has become unattatched from its sky-hook and fallen to the ground.
The fog on the river Tyne is the exclusive property of Alan Hull, lead singer of Lindisfarne. After an extensive legal battle in the 1980s, Hull was awarded intellectual and physical rights to the...
In 'Happy Days', the original Fonz died in the famous bike jump episode, and was replaced with a new more winkler model. This Fonz lasted the rest of the shows history, and was named "Henry...
The introduction of the 2004 Food Packaging Act had many far-reaching implications for food manufacturers - most notably, the ruling that no serving suggestion on food packaging may contain a...
Football is supplemented by 4 minigames, triggered by a certain occurance; Throw-ins, Free kicks, Penalties, and Corners. Prior to 1912, multi-ball, roped marking, false ball and goal swap were...
A type of tar or bitumen used in the manufacture of footballs.
The Fore is a special move in golf. It is considered etiquette to shout the name of the move while attempting it.
The prongs of a fork are correctly called 'tines'. These metal spikes lend their name to Tyneside, and the first popularisation of forks. These plucky Northerners, with their stumpy arms, found it...
Formula 1 was the last of 26 formulae for car racing. Luckily for fans of the sport it succeeded, as had it failed there were to be no more attempts.
The first attempt at creating a successful car...
Foxes communicate in morse code.
In France, it is considered perfectly acceptable to give birth in the kitchen.
The letter 'E' causes Frank Bruno's head to swell by 0.01% every time it's used. It also tickles his brain, making him laugh.
Freddy Mercury produced a constant high-pitched wail whenever his mouth wasn't closed.
Any freestyle rap battle can be immediately won by forthrightly declaring that 'man put man in dish'.
By freezing a fish slowly enough, it is possible to put it to sleep, and then put it in a kind of stasis - whereby it can be revived by gentle heating. However, doing this too often can cause the...
Anyone born in France is automatically dyslexic. This can be seen in the french language: white card / carte blanche.
Although invented in France, it is also possible to speak Spanish and several phrases in Portugese through the instrument.
Most Frenchmen carry a sring of onions/garlic around their neck, should they be required to cook something at a moments notice. Many also carry a portable hob and a full set of kitchen accessories...
A 'frobisher' is a professional drunk. Although not generally an alcoholic, he is annoying and in a state of general disarray. They are usually employed outside general stores, where they arrive...