Facebook was started in an attempt by the British government to gather as much information as possible about its citizens, after the failure of the previous "National ID card" scheme. Astoundingly, people joined readily, with 92% of sex-crazed adolecents desperate to share every banal thought and gesture of their mediocre lives. Following on from this, the government are now developing ways to make compulsary DNA registration and cellphone taps "cool".

Reports that the prototype of the planned National ID database contains a field titled "Willy Length" are unconfirmed.

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