The ancient art of soundproofing, or "too-soundepruthe" in olde English, originated from the port area of the humble city of Bristol, in the south west of England. As various trading, industrial and navy vessels frequented the docks during the city's industrial heyday, there was always a large temporary population of mostly sweaty, desperate and sexually deprived sea-farers who were willing to work for a small amount of extra money to subsidise the meagre wages paid by the ship merchants. Coincidentally, the noise from the docks and surrounding industrial areas would all too often prove too much for the lady-folk of the city. It has since been scientifically proven that the feminine ears of the early nineteenth century would disintegrate far quicker than those of the working male of the same era, so it would come as no surprise to an inquisitive reader, such as yourself, that they needed something to numb the endless ringing industrial pain that afflicted their fragile ears.

Hence, an unlikely solution was reached between all classes of lady (from wench to middle class madam) and the entrepreneurial seafarers, whereby the male would moisten the tube of the ear with a cheap ale, or occasionally dock water, and insert his genitalia into the said side-of-head cavity. Thus, for a small fee, the painful noise would be temporarily blocked. However, the problem remained that after the soothing soundproofing session, discomfort would inevitably return to the women, and the men would still hanker after more cash… and perhaps some sexual satisfaction. The solution to this problem came from the great engineer Isambard Kingdom Brunel. After completing the great western railways, and the Clifton suspension bridge, he completed what some are calling 'the engineering technique of the century'. And truly it was. Whilst soundproofing a wench one day, he decided to freely ejaculate in her ear cavity, thus solving his sexual yearning, and providing a sticky, semi permanent filling to filter away all of the noise problems.

Both parties were happy. Try it if you don't like a noise, and love a bit of jizz in your ear. Soundproofing - Vintage, and relieving.

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