All Facts
- Hiccups You can only get hiccups from consuming bad celery. EU law does not enforce the inclusion of celery as an ingredient if it is present in quantities of less than 0.1%. Most brands of cigarettes contain...
- Citroen Citroen cars are comprised of up to 20% recycled dandelion (depending on the model).
- Hit Records In the 1980's it was a widely practiced ruse when managing an up and coming band, to release the album in luxembourge first. Simply by buying 10 or 20 copies of the album, it would rocket to #1,...
- Shaolin The Shaolin monks have always been famed across China for their aromatic displays. It was only after a spelling error that they took up martial arts, out of a fear of disappointing their audience....
- False Arch The false arch is a footware supplement designed to trick the foot into different shapes. Mostly used by ballerinas and professional dancers, usage comes at a price - after the foot discovers the...
- Football Football is supplemented by 4 minigames, triggered by a certain occurance; Throw-ins, Free kicks, Penalties, and Corners. Prior to 1912, multi-ball, roped marking, false ball and goal swap were also...
- Microwaves The inside of a microwave is perpetually 1985. Degraded VHS video tapes can be partially recovered by heating them on the lowest setting for 6 hours.
- Rake A garden rake could, in principle, be as wide as your garden, which would make it more efficient. Unfortunately the largest rake available in most countries (not counting those not covered by the...
- Johan Sebastian Bach Bach, despite never having been there, considered Manchester his spiritual home.
- George W Bush George W Bush seems to have poor concentration, as evidenced by various public speeches. The truth is that Bush is a man of above average intelligence, and well loved by all his staff. The...
- Freezing Fish By freezing a fish slowly enough, it is possible to put it to sleep, and then put it in a kind of stasis - whereby it can be revived by gentle heating. However, doing this too often can cause the fish...
- Vin Diesel It is a popular joke in Russia to pretend to be afraid of Vin Diesel. No Russian is afraid of anything, so it's a bit like pretending to be camp.
- French Horn Although invented in France, it is also possible to speak Spanish and several phrases in Portugese through the instrument.
- Pianist A pianist can actually play any instrument, not just the piano. One who can only play the piano is called a pianoist.
- NATO There are actually more countries which are NATO members than there are countries - almost 4 times as many. France was found to have at least 20 of the countries, although the worst by far was Russia...
- Left Handedness Recent research into left handedness reveals that many (roughly 92%) of left handed people actually see upside-down (causing left handedness as a result). Of course, to the left handed, an upside down...
- Felt Tip Pens Each colour of felt-tip pen has a stong, distinctive smell. This is to enable the blind to draw in colour, even with a blocked nose.
- Buttons The off button was invented 2 years before the on button, and in the intervening period was widely decried as being useless. However both were rendered obsolete by the on/off switch, and later the...
- Vole Feeding a vole anything at all will kill it.
- Toxteth Hamper A Toxteth hamper is a large, hollowed out, portable CD/record box used by DJs. To outward appearances, it seems identical to a regular record box, but when opened, it has a faux top which can be...
- The Beckensales The Beckensales is an award winning social commentary on the erosion of social belief in society. Presented by over 20 popular Beckensales, it features a heart-rending scene in which Kate Beckensale...
- Rudy Ray More Rudy Ray Moore (born March 17, 1937 in Fort Smith, Arkansas) is an American comedian, singer, film actor, and film producer. He is perhaps best known as Dolemite, the uniquely articulate pimp (“…...
- Nootdorp! Nootdorp! Was a popular Dutch gameshow, mainly involving swimming, until 2002, when it merged with Pijnacker, a gameshow based around weightlifting. Pijnacker-Nootdorp is the least watched television...
- Meteoroid Belt Due to the rarity of Meteors, meteor belts usually comprise of a normal leather belt coated in a thin layer of meteor dust.
- Spiders Most Spiders prey on flies, but there is one fly which preys on spiders. Known as the spider-eating fly, it can grow up to an inch in size. Its natural predator is the spider-eating-fly-eating-spider,...
- Walrus Walrii are capable of distinguishing any mathematical inaccuracy to within 0.0002. They are, however hopeless at explaining the cause of the inaccuracy. The only way to employ their skill is to use...
- Porrage In Scotland, porrage is served with salt instead of sugar to remind the Scottish how deeply unhappy they all are. The English eat their porrage with sugar to encourage the resentment of the Scots.
- Boy George Boy George finds nearly eveything incredibly funny, but rarely - if ever - smiles. A huge fan of stand up, Boy can be found in the audience of many well-known standup acts where if the camera is close...
- Gary Logan In 1997, Gary Logan became the first amputee chess grandmaster after singlehandedly beating over 17 other world ranked chess players. He was later disqualified and arrested when the beatings were...
- Mime Art The largest collection of mime art is housed in a private collection in Antwerp. Its value is estimated in the hundreds of millions, and contains such classics as Roushy's 1786 Trapped in a glass box...
- Double Negative A double negative is something which is really, really bad.
- Ron Harms Ron Harms is an American football coach. He is best remembered for the joke Ron Harms - but smoking kills . Ron committed suicide on live television in 1983. A newspaper at the time suggested that...
- Black Pudding Black pudding is made of pigs blood, but frequently, the large white specks in black pudding is mistaken for fat. They are in fact, giant white blood cells.
- Halifax Howard Halifax Brown loves saving so much, he never throws anything away, and has the largest collection of collections in the world. He smells of Listerine, and was taught to sing by friendly nuns.
- Lothar Meggendorfer Any self contained hardware (such as a CD drive or Television) usually contans a lothar-meggendorfer. This is a small piece of plastic designed to break off during transit, so that if a repair...
- The Bangles The Bangles hit 'Walk like an Egyptian' was originally titled 'Walk like a Parisian'. The carefully practiced swagger incensed so many fans, the group were in effect, ostracised, and very nearly...
- Salamander If a salamander is tipped upside down, the consequences are likely to be so severe that no-one has ever dared attempt it.
- Lions If a Lion attacks, it will nearly always go for the armpit. Lions are intimidated by sweat.
- Giovanni Lajolo Giovanni Lajolo, the current Cardinal President of the Pontifical Commission for Vatican City State and President of the Governorate of Vatican City State, was once severely reprimanded by the Pope...
- Henry C. Warmoth Henry C. Warmoth was a Republican governor of Louisiana from 1868 until his impeachment and removal from office in December 1872, due to his moustache being 2 inches over the regulation width. He went...
- Roof Tiles In the Northern hemisphere, roofs are tiled from right to left. In the Southern hemisphere the roofs are tiled from right to left, but because They all face North, they are, in effect, reversed.
- Cummerbund The cummerbund was originally invented as a blindfold for the stomach.
- Isaac Newton Isaac Newton, inventor of the liquid, is arguably the most important influence on the way science has happened over the last 100 years. What makes him even more amazing, is that he insisted on making...
- Toothpaste Toothpaste can only be made by heating the teeth to 1000 degrees centigrade, and then pounding them into a squeezable paste.
- Colgate Hypershoe In 1972, toothpaste manufacturer, Colgate, developed a shoe that promised to keep breath fresh while the shoe was being worn. However, although prototypes were developed, they had a negligible effect...
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- Spearmint Spearmint is a disambiguation of spare mint . Around the 1600's everyone in England used to chew mints for pleasant breath, as toothpaste had not been invented. Interestingly, a common reply to a...
- Maurice Gibbs Maurice Gibbs is the world toothpaste-eating champion. He shits constantly.
- Parcheesi A parsnip and cheese sauce used as a dip for pawns. As of March 2008, Parcheesi contains bacon.
- Charles Manson Charles Mansons horrific crimes are now suspected by experts to be related in some way to his early career as a nincompoop. His nincompoopery included: inhaling dry roasted peanut-dust, lighting...
- Yardarm Sailors are well known for their long arms. In days past, sailors would need arms almost exactly 1 yard long in order to fire the yardarm (a type of cannon). Todays yardarms are all fired by computers...
- Left Eye Trick The 'left eye trick' was an urban myth which suggested that by closing or placing a hand over your left eye, it was possible to variously; Stay dry in the rain, Eat a hotdog in one bite, become...
- Chicken Drum For a period in the 1920's, it became fashionable to craft musical instruments from chicken carcasses. The easiest and most popular were chicken drums, but there were also double bass and chicken...
- Chimney Chimney, Chimley and Chimony are in fact all accepted ways of spelling and pronouncing the same thing. Chimney fell into popular use purely because it is repeated by cockneys so frequently.
- Shuttlecock The shuttlecock is the loser of a game of badminton. The terrible stigma attatched to the title explains the severe lack of popularity of the sport.
- Blondie Deborah Harry of Blondie is terrified of musical instruments. When recording an album, she is required to be locked in a shed at least 3 miles away from the rest of the band. Her live appearances can...
- Tahiti Bizarrely, the natives of Tahiti pronounce the name of the island as 'Colchester'. England is the only language which pronounces Tahiti phonetically.
- Filament A filament is a thin ceramic hair-like device, which is heated, then used to make the gaps in combs.
- Apostles It was well known that Christ suffered from apostles, but research shows that there was treatment available in the form of an ointment about the time he lived (0BC - 32AD).
- Pigeon English Pigeon English is not a true language, as the only English word pigeons can pronounce is 'cobblers!' in a cockney accent.
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- Cobblers Shoemakers are traditionally known as cobblers because, even as late as the early nineteenth Century, conventional shoes were carved entirely out of stone. The soles featured a carved 'tread', which...
- Creme Eggs Creme eggs are vastly popular worldwide, and the brand is syndicated by Cadbury's to manufacturers such as Hershey's on the United States of America. Occasionally the recipe is agumented according to...
- Creme Hens John Cadbury found the original creme hen in a hole next to his garden shed. The hen has since gone on to produce millions of creme eggs, which can never be fertillized, as there are no known creme...
- Marlon Brando Marlon Brando was a notorious piss-taker. His famous role in The Godfather was actually concieved when he attempted to mock the casting director, who would often talk with his mouth full.
- Food packaging The introduction of the 2004 Food Packaging Act had many far-reaching implications for food manufacturers - most notably, the ruling that no serving suggestion on food packaging may contain a...
- Trampoline Specialist joint ointment for down and outs.
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- Gillian Anderson From 1983-1985, Actress Gillian Anderson was involved with the Hitler Youth organisation.
- Ramptons Ramptons are people who have been diagnosed as criminally insane. They living in tight communities, eating only brown sauce and spend a lot of their time listening to chesney hawks CD's.
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- Pressure Cookers Pressure cookers are able to cook food 20% hotter than conventional ovens thanks to swearwords written around the inside of the pot, and the subtle indication that other cookers might be hotter still.
- Pilates Pilates is a Spanish lentil based dish. The worlds largest pilate was cooked in a giant pan in Madrid in 1948. Only a quarter was eaten, and the rest was dumped in a specially designed landfill.
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- David Miliband David Miliband holds the patent on the Miliband - a double-length necktie. Although the miliband never took off in fashion circles, David owns over 3000 and wears them frequently.
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- Surfboards Surfboards are made up largely of anthrax, which is extremely buoyant. During production, surfboard manufacturers first shape the anthrax, then coat it with a special airtight wax. This coating must...
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- Rendering In 1978 a man in East York was rendered, unconcious. The man had apparantly fallen asleep next to the house when he was coated by the protective mix.
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- Coles Law Coles Law dictates that bad things happen in 3's. Last year, in Ireland alone, over 45 people were arrested for breaking this law.
- Slew A slew is either a number from 5 to 23, or a mix of cabbage, onion, carrot and marmalade (similar to coleslaw)
- Stop Signs Popular rap group 2Unlimited were chastised for starting a fad of wearing roadside stopsigns from a neckchain. Copycat behaviour led to a slew of thefts, costing the British government in excess of...
- Stabbing Knife crime is in the media spotlight at the moment, but the dangers of compass related crime have been largely ignored. Occuring in areas where knives are hard to come by, many teenagers see the...
- Halibut Halibut are only found in a very small part of Loch Fien in Scotland. There are only 3, and each is considered a national treasure. Halibut sold in restaurants is typically cod, plaice or some other...
- Pastry Blindness Pastry blindness is an unproven medical complaint whereby no matter how hungry, one cannot see cakes. The last reported case was the national disaster of the Ipswitch seven in 1918, in which an...
- Popes Moustache A Popes Moustache is a perfectly cylindrical moustache. It is named for Pope Benedict V's moustache, and has been mandatory for all Pope Benedicts since, with the exception of Arnold.
- Bullfighting Bullfighting was an early attempt to teach cows self-defense. The plan backfired, as the animals were so clumsy, people decided it would be funnier to tease them before putting them to death.
- Balsa Balsa, near Paraguay, is famous for its wood, it's vinegar, and its lax attitude towards public execution.
- Power Sockets Electricity in any modern household is directed to wall sockets. What many people do not know, is that the current is then subdivided at each socket. Using both plugs in a dual socket means each...
- Crème brûlée The English name for crème brûlée is 'phlegm pudding'.
- Sand Sand is divided into one of 3 grades, from soft to hard. Grade 1 sand is the finer sand used on beaches Grade 2 is a coarse sand used in industry Grade 3 sand is considered unpractical and unusable....
- Gazpacho Gazpacho is a cold, Nazi soup.
- Tamagotchi Tamagotchi literally means 'Fighting Egg Superiority' in Japanese.
- Wheelbarrow Before 1913, wheelbarrows commonly had 3 or 4 wheels, and indeed were intended as a device to transport the tremendous wheel surplus to wheel dumps around the UK. In a twist of irony, the wheel dumps...
- Flyers A flyer (or flier) is usually a small piece of printed card with a promotion printed upon it. The name flyer is derived from the propeganda dropped from aircraft during the American revolution. The...
- Crankshaft The word 'crankshaft' has its origins in the insanitary trenches of World War I. It's the Anglicised word for a terrible inflammation of the penis suffered by many German soldiers.
- Snow It has long been hypothesised that if all the car-owners in Britain stopped driving from Christmas Eve to Boxing Day, it would snow.
- Mambo Italiano Mambo Italiano differs from other variations of the mambo, in that the fallopian tubes are salted.
- The Golden House An urban myth surfaced in Brighton-on-Hove that a house in Warmley Avenue was made of solid gold. Despite the reassurance of architects and jewellers, the rumour persisted until the house was stolen,...
- Stanley Kubrik Stanley Kubrik invented the worlds easiest puzzle game, Kubrick's Rube. Despite excellent sales, he was quickly bankrupted when it was found that the device was simply a Rubik's cube with the stickers...
- George Bassett George Bassett, founder of Bassett's Confectionery, published his memoirs in 1872, 'The Incredible Sweetness Of Children'. In it, he details several disastrous attempts to follow-up the popularity of...
- Maurice Gibb Maurice Gibb is considered very unlucky in the world of popular music, as no-one has ever loved him. For the toothpaste eating champion, see Maurice Gibbs
- George Washington George Washington had most of his teeth removed in his early twenties, and replaced with sawdust.
- Sir Alan Sugar The bargain-bin-computer millionaire Alan Sugar made his fortune selling televisions at car boot sales. Using an age-old cockney trick, customers were sold what appeared to be an expensive TV, but...
- Winston Churchill Winston Churchill was only able to cry milk, after an operation removed his damaged tear ducts and replaced them with mammary glands.
- Phantom Limbs After losing a limb, people sometimes report a phantom limb , where the brain seems to confuse itself into registering sensations from the lost limb. It is possible, although far less common, for...
- Banana The banana is classed variously as a herb, a tree, a fruit, a seed, a berry, a vegetable, a desert, a uniform, and a small transport company in the West Midlands.
- Washing-Up Liquid Lemon scented washing up liquid would taste exactly like lemon curd, were it not for the addition of pure adrenaline which makes it taste bitter and very, very addictive.
- Radiotherapy Radiotherapy was Marie Curie's contribution to the the world of medicine, gaining a Nobel peace prize for her work. Today, many cancer patients respond well to Radio 4 or any broadcast featuring Terry...
- Electricity II Scientists at MIT in Boston are busy developing Electricity v2, a refined version of the naturally occuring phenomenon. The newer version will be able to power electrical devices with far less of...
- Pickled Eggs Egg pickling was turned on its head during a mandatory award ceremony in 1912 when it was suggested that instead of beating the eggs before adding them to vinegar, they should be hard boiled. Although...
- Microsoft Excel The original design parameters for Microsoft Excel are simply posh graphpaper scrawled on a piece of tissue. Indeed, for many, it performs this function flawlessly.
- Compact Disc Compact discs (CDs) are a form of media used to display cartoons, or educational films on a computer. They work like a zoetrope, with hundreds of tiny, semi-transparent pictures. When a light is...
- Powdered Beef Climate change has unexpectedly brought prosperity to some equatorial regions. Rising temperatures have helped some of the poorest and hottest countries in the world to become top international...
- Geese Goose was traditionally a request for the last meal of those condemed to death, ostensibly because goose takes a long time to cook. A running prank in the American penal system, is to build up the...
- Shanty Towns Shanty towns are a geographic location in which most, or all of the inhabitants obsessively sing sea-shanties. Because building is a secondary concern to singing, the towns are often not very good.
- Hula Hoops The popular potato based snack was invented when Ian Wilberforce was trying to develop a perfectly flat crisp. The experiment continually produced tubular snacks, and Wilberforce gave up.
- Goldie Hawn Popular culture in many parts of India revolves around Goldie Hawn.
- Candelabra Candelabra are large heavy objects supporting multiple candles. Given the reputation of the candlestick as a bludgeon, this only serves to make the many-pronged attack of the candelabra even more...
- Mario Mania Early 90's term for the resurgence of support for Mussolini's mandate that every child above the age of 5 must wear a full moustache.
- Tuberculosis Tuberculosis is a disease in which the tuburculons (invisible fibrous lung-tubes) become clogged with mucus. Badgers are almost entirely to blame.
- Egg Frying The practice of egg-frying enjoyed a brief burst of popularity in 1984, with many popular celebrity chefs publishing entire books dedicated to the practice. Even dedicated egg-fried themed restaurants...
- Plums Plums are never satisfied. Known internationally as 'the moody fruit', plums are notorious for ruining countless tarts and puddings with their killjoy attitude and constant demands for sympathy.
- Snooker The presently hushed and contemplative game of snooker was originally named Snooker!. The exclamation mark was slowly phased out throughout the 1960s, in order to help the game's raucous and noisy...
- Clavicle Many species of animal produce specimen who are unable to turn directly left or right. Instead, this is accomplished by 3 or more turns in the opposite direction. This faux turn is named a clavicle.
- Haberdashery Haberdashery was popular in 1940's America. It is the practice of concealing a weapon (such as a tommygun) in, for example, a guitar case.
- Popcorn Although it is well known that popcorn is inside-out regular corn, popcorn was actually developed at the same time by two rival inventors. In a twist of fate, Jameson Mays paired his 'reversi-corn'...
- Flying Ants Flying ants choose to breed in areas of poverty, their numbers increasing correspondingly as income declines. A flying ant is featured in the opening credits for the television soap 'East Enders'.
- Gang Warfare Gang Warfare was developed in the late 60's, and is based on the earlier game of gang wafers in which a selected champion from each team would try to fit as many pink wafers as possible into his...
- Jumping Native Americans either cannot, or refuse to jump. Whether this conferred an evolutionary advantage, or is a mental or religious device, we do not know, but the earliest example we have of this...
- Professor Professor is generally considered to be the hardest title to obtain. To become a professor, one is required to sit the usual examinations, with the slight oddity that they occur at a random time and...
- Poetic Justice The most poetic justice came in 1979, When Justice of the peace, Justin Pearce - a former poet - was arrested in a corruption investigation. One newspaper ran the headline Piece of justice for...
- Hats Headwear as it exists today stems from an ancient phonecian belief that a hamster or gerbil suspended above the head was beneficial to health. The evolution happened in stages: Live hamster suspended...
- Punch Drunk In the early 20th century, all the way into the 70's, fruit punch was seen as a very manly drink, and pugilists - the most manly of men - would often drink to excess. Before alcohol consumption during...
- Davy Crockett Davy Crockett was born David William Hopper, but in fact was nicknamed David Croquet due to his undeniable skill at the game. The mispelling is in most part due to croquets poor popularity in the Old...
- Rocket Science Far from just throwing a salad together, many scientists agree that there is a specific ratio of leaf to dressing that must be adhered to rigidly.
- Tony Shi Tony Shi is the son of Chinese immigrants who made his fortune selling the discarded shells from his parents seafood restaurant, along the seashore. His rise to riches is recorded in a popular...
- Tom and Jerry The popular cartoon series Tom and Jerry, was based on a now classic interview of Thomas 'Hit Man' Hearnes by Geraldo Rivera. During the interview, Hearns started loudly repeating his catchphrase ...
- Longitude The measurement of latitude was developed by Sir Harold Latimer by appointment to the Queen, in response to the growing need for ever-accurate maps in order to study and explore the new world. Public...
- Crab Apples Crab apples can only be eaten sideways.
- Spazmo Spazmo was an early bicycle manufacturing company based in Norfolk. They later became British Moto Spazmo , then simply BMX. Their flagship model, the Spazmo 3000 was unique among bicycles in that it...
- Floppy Discs 'Floppy' discs for use with early personal computers underwent a media barrage of attacks in the early '80s due to their rigidity. In fact their floppiness refers to the disc inside a rigid case. The...
- Tomfoolery Tom Foolery was a Irish Catholic priest, who in the bleak midwinter saved over 60% of Irelands orphans by burning the other 40% as fuel. Though his actions have been criticised as harsh, he has...
- Jarlsberg Beer made by substituting hops with cheese is known as Jarlsberg.
- Pigeons An excessively plump pigeon is traditionally known as a Largeon. The highest rank of pigeon is Largeon Major.
- Pokemon It is possible to win any Pokemon battle simply by shouting IT'S SUPER EFFECTIVE! after an attack. It is thought to be a legacy effect of Pokemons evolution from battle-rapping.
- Barbantuan Technique The Barbantuan technique was an early method of underwater communication, using 2 pieces of string. It was similar to morse code, and is still used in some parts of the world. Its use was restricted,...
- Fitzpatrick The largest snake in the world is the Fizpatrick. The largest ever recorded Fitzpatrick was over 20 cubits.
- Maya The Mayan empire was short lived, due to it's peoples' strict policy of you are what you eat . Existing purely on a diet of other Mayans, supplies and population soon dwindled.
- Mailmen The mailman is just one example of the vast culteral differences between the US and Britain. In Britain, the humble postman is a figure of fun whom it is entirely legal to harm physically. In America,...
- Boomerang The longest distance that a boomerang has been thrown and caught was recorded by Professor Charles Angas Hurst. In 1952 Professor Hurst and a team of mathematicians devised a series of experiments and...
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- Typhoons Thuderstorms traditionally obey a simple rule whereby a lightning strike is followed by thunder. If lightning stikes twice out of turn, without thunder in the interlude, this causes a typhoon.
- Raymond Burr Raymond Burr (better known as TV's Ironside) is credited with inventing the world's first dialling tone. The distinctive noise was first created when Burr attempted to teach a robot how to pronounce...
- Bakers Dolphin The collective noun for doplhii is traditionally a 'pod', except in the case of groups of exactly 13 dolphii.
- Parameters Science Is Golden magazine recently conducted a poll to find out scientists' top 100 favourite parameters. In third place was Clemency, in second was Peanutrition, and way out in first, Labial Warmth.
- Petard A petard is a type of naval undergarment made of tar. The molten tar painted around the genital area, and left to solidify. Removal requires the garment to be shattered with a hammer - known as...
- First Aid Kit A box or container where an individual keeps all the items that they might require to render assistance to a medical emergency or situation. however, most first aid kits are overpacked and filled with...
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- Cable Ties The answer to everything that duct tape isn't.
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- Duct Tape The common material that is used to keep the whole universe from falling apart. Has a close association with cable ties
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- Visibility From Space It is common to hear that the Great Wall of China can be seen from space, but this is only one of several man made structures that can be seen, including Hadrians Wall, the Grand Canyon, and Mount...
- Chinese Onion Crisis The 1978 onion crisis in China resulted from improper onion storage.
- Mouthwash All Mouthwash is manufactured at one of the 3 large mouthwashing production factories in Switzerland. Visitors to the factories can enjoy a day trip around mouthwash-themed adventure parks, which are...
- 50 Cent Rapper 50 cent was so named because he can only distinguish between 50 different scents. This was once a matter of contention with 50 cent, who claims to suffer from hyposmia, when showed a fragrant...
- Fidel Castro Fidel Castro can only grow a forked beard. After experimenting with facial hair wigs, his private scientist managed to create a hair-glue to combine the disparate chin-hairs.
- Carpentry During the process of carpentizing wood - to make a chair for example - it has long been practice to foment the wood using a laxative. This makes the wood easier to work, and extends the life of the...
- Gewuerztraminer Gewürztraminer is a variety of German grape. The wine it produces is known as Rääsclat, and is noted for it's delicate balance of flavours.
- Vikings The historical impression of Viking invaders leaves an impression of a hoard of bloodthirsty barbarians, but the truth is more down to earth. While many invaders were quite viscious, only the leader...
- Vegetarians It is perfectly acceptable for vegetarians to eat meat as long as they hum loudly while they chew. It is interesting to note that officially, vegetarianism is regarded as a cult rather than an eating...
- Harald V The popular cartoon figure 'Spongebob Squarepants' is closely based on Harald V of Norway. In many episodes, you can clearly see the Norwegan Royal family's coat of arms on Spongebob's living-room...
- Grass Grass appears to be green due to the wavelength at which it reflects light. However, from above, the angle causes light to be reflected differently, making the grass appear blue. Map producers will...
- Presbytarian There is no word in English for presbytarian .
- Knees People with double-jointed knees can run approximately twice as fast as people with regular knees.
- Chess MB Games, the owers of the Chess brand have been working on a prototype Chess 2 game, but with special powers for more of the chessmen. Among other things, Bishops will be able to fake death, Rooks...
- Salad Cream Salad cream is similar in many ways to mayonaisse. The only difference is that Salad cream is safe to eat outdoors.
- Ninenis Ninenis, the forerunner to tennis was the same game in almost every respect. However, the larger court and lower net led to huge runs of unreturnable serves at tounament level. It was also a...
- Barcodes The numbers at the bottom of a barcode are completely meaningless. The purpose of a barcode is simply that when transposed onto the correct beamcode, it spells the products name.
- Sarbanes Oxley Sarbanes Oxley is a village in France where everything is catalogued obsessively. The small village has recorded the minutest detail, down to individual imperceptible movements and thoughts of the...
- Ж A new letter, Ж, is to be added to the alphabet between P and Q some time this September. The new letter is Cyrillic in Origin, and will simplify the English language for Poles, but is also analogue...
- Alabama State University Alabama State University is actually located in Wyoming, resulting in a 1700 mile round trip for students.
- Paisley Commisioned by Ian Paisley, in 1921, paisley was the result of experiments to make a robust wallpaper using leftover food. Paisley is quite specific in that it requires at least 40% mashed potato and...
- Mercury Mercury, whilst extremely poisonous tastes much like strawberries. The mercury can be rendered harmless by heating it to 100 degrees centegrade, but unfortunately this also destroys the delicious...
- Plimsole The plimsole line around a ship originated as a game. A rope would be tied to the mast, and a sailor would have to walk around the ship horizontally, keeping to the line. After several mishaps with...
- Binoculars Binoculars were invented in Sweden in the 1850's as a result of the decline in popularity of bino parks. The bino is a large flightless bird native to Sweden, and the first binoculars were a simple...
- Syphilis A little known side-effect of syphilis is that it gives blood a delicious sherbert-orangey taste.
- Otters The otter is the only fish capable of swimming backwards.
- Tom Jones Tom Jones attributes his tremendous singing abilities to cosmic rays .
- Backing Singers The musical entity Coldplay consists of 39 members, but 35 are backup singers. The rest of the band must pick straws in the event of the death of one of the starting four, and the winner is chosen to...
- Omelette Omelettes (literally 'beige disc' in Spanish) originally encompassed anything resembling a beige disc. No-one knows when or how omelettes became an egg-only enterprise, but experts suspect the French...
- Flava Flav Flava Flav went through extensive legal battles in the late 80's with the English musician, Flavour Flav.
- Ironman The superhero, Ironman, was originally part of a range of superheoes based on household appliances. In a similar way to other franchises of the time, it was to be bolstered by a TV slot dubbed ...
- Jackson Pollock It is unknown how or why Jackson Pollock developed his unique style of painting. What is known is that he suffered from chronic bronchitis, and had a fondness for the taste of paints.
- Gum Boots Gum boots boots are not waterproof. They give the illusion of dryness by the secretion of a psychoactive drug (derived from xanthan gum, hence the name) from the inner lining, making the wearer...
- Chips Chip shops were one of the earliest business models in history. The consumer would be drawn in with the promise of cheap, delicious chips, and then was tempted to buy perhaps a pickled egg or a fried...
- Tigers Both the Siberian and Bengal species of tiger are dangerously close to extinction due to hunting and erosion of their natural habitat. However the Tamil tiger is doing relatively well, though they...
- Clemency Clemency is the term used when a condemned man is granted a citrus fruit drink before execution.
- Bavaria Bavaria is a small country that imbodies all of the stereotypes people think of when you mention Germany. It has a population of 23,000 and it's currency is Flippancy. In Bavaria, Benjamin Franklin ...
- The Argwill Formula The Argwill formula, created by Aaron, Ryan and Gordon Willis is a simple formula for solving crosswords. Knowing the rough frequency of each letter in the English language (mainly nouns, pronouns and...
- Doctor Who Every episode of Doctor Who ever made has taken a maximum of two days to film. There were over 2300 epidodes originally, but only 19 were deemed good enough for release. Later, after a funding crisis,...
Anonymous
- Marksmen The term marksman originates from the highwayman Mark Morrison. His band of followers ( Marks Men ) were widely held to be highly accurate with pistols. The same was not true of Morrison himself, and...
Anonymous
- Portugal Portugal (literally doorway to girls ) is a country located in southwestern Europe on the Iberian peninsula. It is populated entirely by people with pencil moustaches, except from the children, who...
- Spanish Onions Spanish onions are in fact Porteugese. It is considered a grave insult to imply the tiny cabbages come from elsewhere.
Anonymous
- Limescale The limescale was developed to categorise the quality of the green version of lemons. Normally, the limes we buy from supermarkets or travelling lime-vendors are at the top of the scale. Lesser limes...
Anonymous
- Soundproofing The ancient art of soundproofing, or too-soundepruthe in olde English, originated from the port area of the humble city of Bristol, in the south west of England. As various trading, industrial and...
Anonymous
- Earthquakes Earthquakes are caused when the Earth is scared. Earthquakes are not to be confused with earthcakes, which are deadly.
- Earth Planet Earth celebrates it's bithday on July 15th every year. It is customary to give the Earth an Earthcake on this occasion, but due to the difficulty in preparing the delicious layer of magma, this...
- Baseball The longest baseball game ever went on for 22 miles.
- Danes Danes cannot perceive depth. Instead, they calculate it by skimming stones. If the stone is not returned, the Dane becomes disorientated and aggressive.
- Recycling Recycling is just another name for pedalling backwards.
- Gremlins Steven Spielberg traded the rights to the film Gremlins to a Hungarian count in exchange for unlimited free breakfasts. The conditions were unusual in the stipulation of no more than 3 sausages per...
- Burkha The main crop of Chile is the burkha. The burkhas are harvested and ground down to produce grenadine.
- Extravagance Many people have a certain amount of vagance, but when this increased beyond the normal threshold, the extra vagance can manifest itself as a hat, or sometimes tall shoes.
- Capturing Capture! magazine voted Australians as the best captors in the world, citing their love of the phrase 'Not by the hairs of my teeth' as a luxury beyond malice .
- Australians Any mention of jars will cause an Australian to flee.
- Humbug Humbuggery is a crime in Hamburg.
- Unicycle Unicycle (or universal cycle) is another name for samsara, the hindu belief of re-incarnation.
- Guantanamo In Austria, the most presigious award possible is to recieve a sandwich containing every kind of meat. The sandwich, known as a guantanamo, was last awarded to Sylvia Berlusconi, the president of...
- Mixing Desks Mixing desks with other furniture and equipment can sometimes cause an office.
- Country Mile Like the Nautical Mile, a country mile is slightly different to a regular mile. In this case, the mile is the other way around.
- Sarcasm Oscar Wilde (born Oscar Wild) once stated sarcasm is the lowest form of wit . In this he was wrong. The official list states that it is sandwiched between slapstick and puns, which make up last...
- Earnest Hemingway The unbearable lightness of being Earnest refers to Ernest Hemingway, who was so happy, he literally burst with joy.
- Mayfair Mayfair is widely regarded by some to be the best place in London. However, unlike Great Ormand Street, Mayfair cigarettes have been allowed to purvey distinctly low-quality goods under a this...
- Capybara Capybara, the largest species of rodent in the world, achieve their enormous size by inflating glands in their chins with mucus to ward off predators. They only inflate the glands during daylight...
- Double Sided Stickytape Only one side of double sided stickytape is actually sticky. The tape works because it's so sticky, one side sticks to things through the other side. This is what is known as polycystitis.
- Battersea In 2007, Timeout magazine described Battersea as hell on earth . It was later discovered that the part of Battersea visited by their correspondant was on fire, and that generally, that part of...
- Worldly Goods Worldly goods are items that are manufactured in a different country (ie imported) and bear a cultural relation to the country of origin. Examples sometimes include sombreros. Worldly goods are not...
- San Francisco During a brief period in the late 80's over 400 people lost their hearts in San Fransisco due to an extraordinary rise in black market organ trafficking.
- Charlston Heston The Charlston, Heston Style (known as the Charlton Heston) was an experimental full-contact dance closely based on the charlston. The dance begins with the two partners squaring off, and then taking...
- Charlton Heston Plans to make a film based on the life of Charlton Heston were shelved when the casting director couldn't find an actor good enough to play him. Even Charlton Heston himself was approached, but...
- Jerry Springer Jerry Springer is a disambiguation of the term Jerry Curl and is applied as a colliquial term for the long curls that some orthodox Jews wear. Jerry Springer the talkshow host uses this pseudonym...
- Kwondo Thai Kwondo (or Taekwondo) is the best known of the seven kwondo's. Thai Kwondo was a technique developed for fighting and fitness, but each kwando has a specific focus. Singapore Kwondo focuses on...
- Ozone The atmosphere of earth has a crust through which significant force is needed to break through. This was discovered during NASAs early attempts to create a space balloon , and their failure led to...
- Model Airplanes Model airplanes are a product of the short-lived 1960s fad of aircraft clothing, before it became apparant that although the planes looked dashing in their billowing slacks, they sharply reduced...
Anonymous
- Jesus 'Jesus' is the collective term for individual 'Jesii', which are a type of arthropod resembling a spider-mite. Jesii are less dense than water and excrete a potent fluid made from the concentrated...
Anonymous
- Hurdles Hurdles were originally fixed to the floor. The event was seen as one of endurance rather than speed.
- Hunger Hunger is a blue creature, traditionally locked up 'till lunch with Shreddies breakfast cereal. However hunger is right now killing 1000s of people in the third world who do not like marmite. To avoid...
- Washing Powder Washing powder is generally inadvisable, as fine particles are likely to get lost, or even disolved in water. If another powder has been mixed in, it may be possible to sieve or filter the particles.
- Wurzels The popular punk group the Wurzels have been hugely successful since a law was passed requiring 30% of all radio air-play in Britain to consist of Wurzels songs.
- Allegro An allegro is a weapon used by the ancient Celts. It consists of a length of wood, and several light strings, at the end of which a bee or wasp is tied. The string is always shorter than the wood so...
- Spin Off Spin off is the worst insult in Malaysia. It is considered so severe that one must apply for permission to use it by filling in a special form. Since 1945 (a particularly bad year) no more than 4...
- Tortilla A tortilla is an oversized novelty sombrero. It is also the name of Godzilla's cousin in the unsuccessful Godzilla and family cartoon spin-off.
- Henry Cornelius Burnett Henry Cornelius Burnett was never taken seriously as his face always resembled that of an angry child. During his later years he attempted to grow facial hair, exacerbating his comical appearance, as...
- Radial The radial is a flatfish noted for it's roundness. It is often confused with the circumfurant.
- Clay Pigeons Clay pigeons are found almost exclusively around Clay county, Illinois, and are closely related to the English wood pigeon but are far larger. Ruthlessly savage for their species, they will attack...
- Skeet Shooting The Skeet is a very flat bird with a long distinctive tail. Like Clay pigeons, live skeet have been replaced by a testicular model. Skeet shooting is one of the tertiary sports of the olympics.
- Aftershave Aftershave was invented by Arthur Sweeny Kiddlestone in 1856. His skin was so sensitive, the only way he could bear to shave was by being absolutely soused on gin. He would then chew a mixture of...
- Asparagus Asparagus is a grass closely related to bamboo. Although slow-growing to start with, it accelerates as it matures. The inhabitants of the isle of Wight must munch their way through 4kg of asparagus a...
- Blooming Idiot Sir Henry Blooming-Idiot was a British statesman and Prime Minister (when he was known as Lord Blooming-Idiot). His reforms, although radical for the time, bought about great change for good while he...
- Roofing Roofing briefly went out of fashion between 1400 and 1600. These times are known historically as the damp ages .
- Dolphin Friendly Tuna Modern tuna-farming techniques pose a serious threat to dolphins who often get trapped in the large tuna nets. Various attempts have been made to solve this problem, including one short-lived idea to...
- Wingdings Wingdings, the popular Microsoft nonsense font included as standard with Windows - also known as poor mans clipart - was adopted as the official language of the remote ☻♫☼™ tribe in Peru when the...
- Elm Trees All trees are related in some way except the Elm. Experts are furious.
- If The Cap Fits The phrase if the cap fits, wear it was coined by housebound Delia Smith. She neglects to provide instuctions for caps that do not fit.
- Insolvency Insolvency is illegal in China. Insolvency in China is punishable by death.
- Towel Rack The towel rack was originally intended as a weapon. It was named after it's inventor, William Towel, and it's use is banned under the Geneva Convention.
- Competitions Tom Bosley, George Cole, Steven Seagal and Nana Miskouri are all confirmed to have won their fame in local newspaper competitions. Ukrainian president Viktor Yuschenko apparently won his aptitude for...
- The Talbot The Talbot are an intensely-guarded secret society, about whom little is known. The only sketchy details to be gleaned allege that their secret handshake constitutes 'an illegal sexual act' in most...
All content copyright Tom Crowley
page revision: 2, last edited: 21 Jul 2008 15:25
