All Facts

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  • Milton Keynes Milton Keynes was born in Jerusalem in 12th September 1944. His parents although not Jewish fled from Nazi occupied Poland during WW II with their two teenage children Beverely-May and Montgemory....

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  • Light Light doesn't weigh as much as dark hence the name.

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  • paint ball Paint balls were invented to decorate hard to reach places. 10,980,000,324 were used to decorate the White House, which has a notoriusly hard to climb dome roof. The President was accidentally shot 4...

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  • Magic Magicians don't actually use real magic, but instead use hypnostism to make you believe you've seen magic. If you watch a magician closely you can see him sway from side to side slowly putting the...

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  • Grits In England, grit is commonly used to increase road friction in icy conditions, or to pave driveways. In the USA, particularly in the southern states, grit is used as a breakfast. This a major...

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  • Card Shark A card shark is often confused with a card sharp (someone who uses skill or deception to gain an upper hand in card games). A card shark originated at the turn of the century, but saw a resurgence...

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  • Aretha Franklin Aretha Franklin has an honorary docterate in electronics from Mitchigan state. She also volunteers as a part-time firefighter.

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  • Tax Band The Tax Band was an unsuccessful 80's electro-pop group featuring Alistair Darling on drums. The band were ridiculed for their clothing by the press. NME famously described Darling as the worst...

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  • Pandas The Panda bear was originally called the 'Goliath Racoon'.

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  • Bears All bears are Catholic, with the notable exception of Pandas. Pandas denounce Jesus as a prophet, and a regarded as sectarian fundementalists.

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  • Income Tax Income tax is so named, not because your income is taxed, but because the taxman would force his way into homes in order to collect the tax.

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  • Wallace Floater Scotlands early and unsuccessful aeronautics program began in secrecy in the late 1800's. MP Cloaghan Wallace was in an unusually full bathtub (a product of one of his infamous fits of frivolity),...

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  • Controversial Television Prehaps the greatest controversy in television history was when Graham Norton in his eponymous show, brutally stabbed Steve Guttenberg to death. Many are still suspicious of the remarkably lenient...

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  • Almanac The almanac was pioneered by Sir Presley Almanac, who used to write down anything he found particularly noteworthy. He later became an alcoholic, and the almanacs published at the end of his life...

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  • Scallops In France, Scallops are known as 'guimauve de la mer'.

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  • Regis The main Regis', Bognor and Lyme, are linked via underground tunnels, used for the towns' postal service. Bognor Regis is famous for its inhabitants continually inventing things that have been in...

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  • Skegness Skegness in England is famed for its tradition of facial scarring. Skilled enthusiasts can cut and fold flaps of skin in an attempt to create the most grotesque appearance. The origins of this bizzare...

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  • Hat Trick A footballing 'hat-trick' (3 goals scored by the same player in one match) stems from the Victorian era. A dishonest player would be able to sneak a second ball in under his top hat, and in a moment...

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  • Catelepsy A person suffering from catelepsy will suffer violent seizures around cats.

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  • Mario Bros The Mario brothers were both originally called Mario. Mario was later renamed Luigi while Mario remained Mario.

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  • Archimedes Heel Archimedes, the famous mathmetician, had one weakness: He could not see the number zero. This type of selective or localised dyslexia is extremely rare, but he coped remarkably well, despite his...

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  • Credibility Celebrities have far less credibility than previously thought - up to 40% lower than even the lowest rated non-celebrity. The most credible was Donald Sutherland, who many believe to be more the...

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  • Sowing Sowing refers to the practice of planting a single seed. The process of cultivating an entire field is referred to as stitching.

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  • Caramelised Onions Caramelised onions were an early and unsuccessful alternative to toffee-apples.

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  • Treasure Pirates buried treasure in the mistaken belief that a treasure tree would grow.

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  • Phillipines The Phillipines are named after King Phillip, who fathered the colony. The term Phillipino literally means baby Phillip . Many native Phillipinos bear a strong resemblance to the King.

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  • Honeymoon The term 'honeymoon' comes from a traditional English post-wedding game where the father of the bride tries to pour honey over the moon. This requires a very long ladder and has resulted in several...

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  • Copper The name copper comes from the well known practice of throwing small change at policemen (coppers). The small change was then named copper instead of kjhjyth (greek for brown metal) which is rather...

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  • Aardvark At 57.8 × 106 (S·m-1), the aardvark is the most electrically conductive animal in the world, with a conductivity close to that of annealed copper.

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  • carbon footprint You can reduce your carbon footprint by standing on one foot. Ballet dancers have further improved this by standing on tip toe (carbon toe print).

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  • Magnesium Magnús Magnússon dropped Mastermind after the first season to film a documentry series about magnesium. The show, Magnús Magnússons Miracluous Magnesium, only made it onto television in Norway. As...

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  • David of the Year David Davison has won the David of the year competition 3 years in a row, and on current form looks unbeatable in this years contest. To date, only one person without the first name of David has won...

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  • Gaz Top Gareth Jones, aka ex-childrens television presenter Gaz Top, is most famous for being the first man to get pregnant. The fact first came to light on a late night celeb talk show on Five hosted by...

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  • Dead Mans Hand The 'dead mans hand' refers to the cards 'Wild Bill' Hickock was holding when he was murdered playing poker. However the name 'dead mans hand' at the time, referred to a game, whereby a deck was...

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  • Kingpin The foremost bowling pin at the front of a triangle formation in 10 pin bowling, is known as the kingpin. The two outermost pins are the lynchpins.

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  • Magic Pumpkin The magic pumpkin is a small member of the squash family, indentifiable by its bright red colour and white spots. Because of its size, it is often mistaken for a mushroom. The magic pumpkin is sought...

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  • Oprah Winfrey Oprah Winfrey holds the world record for counting backwards from 100 in the fastest time.

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  • Obituary An obituary is a complex intricate poem. Having an obituary composed in your name is considered a distinct honour. The Queen of England recieves over 100 obituaries per year.

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  • Steel Steel is so named, because before current refining techniques reduced cost, it was the most frequently stolen metal.

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  • Krakatoa The thrill-seeking inhabitants of Krakatoa have a perpetual sweepstakes over who will be the last to leave the volcanic island in the event of eruption. In the build-up to what has been dubbed The...

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  • Spock Leonard Nimoy was working as a professional paintbrush thinner when he got the part of deadpan Spock in TVs Star Trek. Legend has it that Nimoy was chosen purely because of his famously pointy ears,...

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  • India The primary currency of India is crisps. Cheese and Onion is the highest denomination being worth about 8p while salt and vinegar is the lowest at 1p.

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  • Council Liverpool Council is made up entirely from ex Brookside actors. They meet every Wednesday at the town hall to discuss important matters like extra Job Seekers Allowance payments for ex actors and ...

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  • Camberwick Green Camberwick Green was the site of a particularly bloody and gruesome battle during the English Revolution, where over a million people died in a single day. The childrens television program of the same...

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  • Rich Tea Rich Tea biscuits were so called because biscuit merchants would hoard the treats for themselves and members of the aristocracy. The biscuit world was turned on its head in 1921 when the first nice...

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  • Tea During a study by Manchester University students on the best way to make a cup of tea, it was noticed that everyone, without exception, stirs their tea anti-clockwise.

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  • Victoria Wood Despite winning multiple awards for her comedy, and being involved in several dramas, Victoria Wood regards performing the voice-overs for the childrens cartoon Penny Crayon, as the high point of her...

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  • BBC Since the BBC was split in 1952, two of its most popular channels, MI5 and MI6 have been privatised.

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  • Pasture Louis Pasteur invented the pasture. Before this, almost every field was populated with densely packed trees. Before the invention of the pasture, cows would live in the trees, swinging gracefully from...

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  • Crumpet A crumpet is not actually an item of food, but the device used in the creation of the food. The dough is mixed, then poured into the crumpet, where an expert crumpet blower will force air through the...

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  • Curmudgeon A curmudgeon is a weapon similar to a walking stick, mainly used by the elderly.

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  • Portaloos Portaloos work by converting human waste into data, and then transmitting the information to the nearest sewage facility where it is re-converted. Blockages can occur due to line faults, but recently,...

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  • Spoonerism A spoonerism is a quirk of language that very few people care about. It is named after the Tate and Lyle founder, Malcom McDermot.

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  • Neighbors Each family in the popular soap opera, Neighbors, was originally named after a chess piece (after its creator, Gene Roddenberrys' love of chess). After his death, all the family names were changed...

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  • Soap Opera Early soap operas were broken up with musical interludes. The name 'soap opera' comes from the fact that the first one was sponsered by PalmOlive soap (which featured heavily in the plot).

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  • Hunter S Thompson 'Hunter' S Thompson got his nickname, thanks to an innate ability to mimic a ducks quack perfectly with no external tools.

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  • Salt Mouth 'Salt mouth' is a side affect of over-consumption of crimony. The gaping mouth sores were actually the source of the puddings bright red colour, although nowadays crimony is usually coloured with red...

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  • Crimony Crimony is a salt pudding, popular in cockney London. Recipes can vary, but generally adhere to the rule of one part water to two parts salt.

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  • Cardamom Seeds Cardamom seeds, when eaten raw, have similar properties and taste to popping candy.

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  • Mormonization George W Bush is turning to Mormonism in a bid to tackle climate change. In US studies, Mormons have consistantly come out top in recycling and have the lowest energy consumption per capita in the...

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  • Mona Lisa Leonardo DeCaprio's famous painting, the Mona Lisa is famed for its subjects enegmatic smile. It is now thought to stem from the fact that DeCaprio would often fart and sneeze at the same time. Art...

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  • Non-Lethal Weapons Although interest in Non-Lethal Weapons has waned since the advent of the Lethal Weapon film trilogy, considerable effort has been put into development of non-lethal weapons. Some of the best known...

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  • Mathletics Mathletics is a maths based take on the olympics, where matheletes take part in track and field events after answering questions to make their target easier or harder. Depending on the event, the...

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  • Curdling The word 'curdling' was coined in the 1970's when the Swedish National Curling Team (SNCT) began the practice of yodeling whilst curling. The reaction to this practice coined the terms Blood curdling...

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  • Armed Forces The UK Armed Forces (Navy, Army, RAF, RAC AA) were heavily criticised for their handling of the first two world wars. In the post war years, legislation was introduced to make the Armed Forces more...

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  • Fatigué A type dress worn by soldiers in the armed forces.

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  • Penn Station Penn Station was developed and created by actor and amateur architect Sean Penn. It is modelled on his favorite stationary set. Replicas of the pens of the stationary that inspired the station can be...

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  • Interruption A man named Brian in Somerset has never finished a sentence. In an attempt to get to the bottom of the mystery, he was interviewed live on a local news station, where the transmission unfortunately...

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  • Berlin Wall When the Berlin wall was torn down in 1985, many people were left homeless or exposed, having built their houses against the wall (saving money on bricks). The exposed activities of each household...

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  • Church The Lead on the roof of churches is in place to stop the church from floating away. Churches are so large that when the heating is on it acts like a hot air balloon. Churches have been seen floating...

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  • german sheppard German sheppard dogs were specifically bred after the first World War to round up Germans. A good German Sheppard can round up 40 Germans in under 2 minutes. Currently there are still German Sheppard...

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  • german sausage German sausage is made from real Germans. Every year a national lottery picks the lucky Germans who consider this an honor to be turned into the well loved sausage.

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  • Record Holders The record holder for the worlds richest man is made out of solid gold. However, he rarely plays vinyl anymore.

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  • Icelandic the Icelandic language contains no means of categorisation whatsoever.

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  • Walt Disney Walt Disney never learned to drive, despite owning a large collection of vintage cars. In his memoirs, he described his pangs of regret over never learning, but also his joy of sitting in the...

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  • Willikers! In the film 'Willikers!' (1978), the scene where Walt Disney was preparing to be fired from a cannon marks his first and only celluloid appearance. The scene was commemorated in 1993 in Papua New...

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  • Shoreditch Shoreditch in London does not exist. It was developed as part of a psycological test by Professor Marantz at Harvard University, whilst studying group dynamics. Many people (even those outside of...

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  • George Clooney George Clooney considers himself to be the greatest actor of his career, if not his life.

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  • Root Beer Root beer is responsible for the closure of all Kwik Save stores. The company invested heavily in root beer, seeing a potential gap in the market. Unfortunately the value of root beer stock plummeted...

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  • Knighthood Anyone accepting a knighthood from the Queen of England, is required to do battle for her if necessary. The stipulation is a legacy of the orders roots, but there has been one exceptionally bloody...

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  • Doves During his infomous dove-torturing experements, the artist Prince, found that doves make a noise not unlike an electric synthesiser when they cry. The small amount of research on pigeons suggests they...

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  • Carrumba Carrumba is a rank in the Portugese navy just above captain.

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  • KP Salted Peanuts KP brand salted peanuts can help you to see in the dark. They are the only kind of peanut to do so, and have been in use by the US military for over 20 years.

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  • Pot Plants Potted plants are 67% more aggressive than those planted in soil.

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  • When We Dance 'When We Dance' by Sting was in response to 'Rocket Man' by Elton John. Both singers used cutting jibes in their songs, but Elton was said to be incensed the lyric; And underneath the wheels of...

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  • Elton John Elton John is the landlord of the humourously titled Elton Towers block of high-rise flats in Peckham. He became gay in 1995 to spite Sting, with whom he has a bitter rivalry.

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  • HRH Queen Elizabeth II HRH Queen Elizabeth II hates champagne and any kind of floating vehicle, especially boats and ships, to a lesser extent hovercraft. Therefore it is with unparalleled glee that she attends the...

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  • Doiley A doily (or doilie) is a small ornamental mat usually made of cotton or linen placed underneath a dish or bowl. The precise meaning or purpose of a doiley changes almost imperceptably with the method...

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  • Cabot John Cabot named his ship Matthew. But like all ships, it was actually a female.

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  • Neil Armstrong Neil Armstrong, the first astronaut ever, revealed in his biography 'Moon on a stick' that he actually hated the moon. His motivation for becoming an astronaut was to give the moon something to think...

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  • Star Wars As of January 2008, everyone in the world has now seen at least one Star Wars film. This incredible feat was almost entirely down to efforts by George Lucas, who has crusaded to set up flatscreen...

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  • Weston Super Mare Weston Super Mare is due to be demolished in its entirety and rebuilt. The new town is planned to be named Weston Mare 64, and will boast an improved user experience, including life-like citizens.

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  • Pleasure Breach The most significant pleasure breach in recent times was due to a fire on the pier at Weston Super Mare. The breach caused hundreds of amusements to drop into the sea.

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  • Popeye Popeye is regarded as a national icon in Finland. His popularity stems from the firm belief that consumption of high-iron foods is the single most contributory factor to muscle growth. Thus Popeye...

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  • Prince of Wales The Prince of Wales is legally required to attend every rugby match.

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  • Town Crier The implementation of town criers were a hugely successful move, which saw a reduction in crime in many towns. By focusing abuse on just one person, the other townsfolk would get less abuse, and be...

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  • Iron Iron is the stable diet of frogs. A healthy frog has been know to consume 14lb of nails and screws in a day. Anybody who has a pond with frogs may notice the garden shed falling rapidly apart. Special...

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  • Neon Neon signs contain thousands of fire flies. Fire flies get highly excited by electricty and mate wildly thus illuminating the sign.

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  • fish tanks Fish tanks were invented for the first World War. Specially trained fish were taught to fire the tanks, but the tanks were retired before service as they were found to be too fragile being made of...

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  • Brie Brie is the ingredient used for plastering walls. The circlular sections of brie show that the plaster is hardening, as the outside is white and the inside is still tacky. The French discovered that...

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  • Moët The Chandon family are furious that Moët Chandon has been shortened to simply 'Moët'. Allegedly, Monseiur Chandon did almost all the work developing the classic champagne, whereas Moët was simply a...

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  • Smirnoff Smirnoff was originally an industrial cleaning solution developed to destroy 'Smirn' - a Russian term for mildew.

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  • Magpies The average person swallows over 43 magpies in their lifetime. This is mostly whilst asleep, when magpies are attracted by the fillings in an open mouth.

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  • Darts Darts were origanally invented instead of nails. The carpenter would throw the darts from several meters away, to ensure they held the piece of wood in place. The Hammer was invented in 1976 by...

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  • tubular bells Tubular bells are made from all the teeth the Tooth Fairy collects. She has cornered the market with regards to this musical phenomenon, and is hoping to branch out with a range of cymbals.

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  • Nintendo Game Boy The Game Boy (ゲームボーイ, Gamey Bōi) was a handheld game console developed and manufactured by Nintendo, and released in 1989. It was the predecessor for the Game Boy line, future versions including the...

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  • Signatures The act of signing ones name at the bottom of a letter is a recent occurrence. There are two possible origins for this practice. One was the Marquis De Sade, who loved writing his name so much, he...

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  • Trout Trout sleep inside-out. They are the only fish to do so.

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  • Wainscotting Wainscotting first came to light in th 1920's, after a global trend in waistcoats. Tailors, giddy with their new-found popularity* began inventing all manner of waistcoat related parapheranlia,...

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  • Jim Carey Rubber faced funnyman Jim Carey, simply loves debt. He has been declared bankrupt 33 times, and is looking at ways of buying bad debt from destitute financial institutions.

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  • Fare Dodging Fare-dodging is now illegal in Britain. A lack of conductors is blamed, however the dangerous aspect has been cited by many former conductors as a large reason for retirement. Conducters could...

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  • Large Hadron Collider The Large Hadron Collider was parodied in the film Mrs Doubtfire with mention of the 'Large Peanut Collider'. However, many people heard 'large piña colada', and the joke was scrapped after Robin...

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  • Hadron Hadron is a gas developed and produced by the Finnish company LapGas. It is comprised of 50% hydrogen, 10% argon, 30% iron and 10% miscellaneous other gasses. Hadron has been in the public eye...

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  • Jack Lemmon Jack Lemmon, Sugar ray Leonard, Ice Cube and Nicole Kidman were once in a rap group called Lemonadez

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  • Chance The element of chance is measured on the Whitbread Scale of Deacons, and can be visually represented using the internationally renowned hand gesture of clenching both fists, with the index finger and...

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  • Gallbladder The gallbladder serves as a shock absorber. When an impact occurs, the gallbladder absorbs it first, and upon reaching its limit, explodes. Someone falling from a great height, therefore dies of a...

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  • Lambada A dance combining principles of folk jazz and limbo dancing. Performers of the Lambada are known as Lambastards.

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  • Monopoly From the latin 'one-many'. One of something which is, or appears to be, abundant. See also Monopolygon.

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  • Mortgage The etymology of the word 'mortgage' is often made out to be an amalgamation of the words death and lock. The actual origin of the word is derived from Sir Jonathan Mortgage, whom due to a curious...

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  • Churchill Winston Churchill had a propensity, but it was removed with a groundbreaking surgical technique which is still used to this day.

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  • David Blaine A strange side effect of Blaines Dive of Death 'stunt' in which he spent several hours upside down, is that he can now urinate only when suspended upside-down.

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  • Fog on the Tyne The fog on the river Tyne is the exclusive property of Alan Hull, lead singer of Lindisfarne. After an extensive legal battle in the 1980s, Hull was awarded intellectual and physical rights to the...

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  • Apple Sauce Bramley apple sauce is exactly the same substance as that found in Mr Kiplings apple pies. This allows the process whereby any leftover mince pies can be transformed instantly and effectively into...

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  • Straight Outta Compton The song title Straight Outta Compton by NWA is a tongue-in-cheek reference to the fact that there are no curved roards in Compton.

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  • Walkers Crisps Walkers Crisps were initially refused to anyone with alternative means of transport. After the advent of the automobile, the business model was quickly replaced.

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  • Compton Compton was originally named compass-town , but shortened when Stationery Land was renamed to Los Angeles.

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  • Gorbachev Gorbachev means 'great warrior' in Russian, but many Westerners pronounce the name 'Gorbochoff' which roughly means messy rapist .

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  • Palindrome A true palindrome is not only the same when the letters are re-arranged, but also when mirrored from right to left, and when played backwards. The Royal Society of Literature's palindrome department...

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  • Blu Ray The huge storage capacity of optical discs such as Blu Ray are useful only in theory. In truth, all the information ever written would only amount to around 20Gb, and the entire Internet would fit...

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  • Chaucer The father of English literature, Geoffrey Chaucer, was internationally famous during his life as a champion bog snorkeler, and as the only man to catch the cheese at the annual Gloucestershire cheese...

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  • Ted Dibiase Even allowing for inflation, the weakness of the Dollar and the current state of the economy mean Ted Dibiase would only be worth around $430,000 today.

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  • Granary There are few traditional granaries left in the UK, forcing many grandmothers to learn by teaching themselves. Uptake of knitting, bingo, sucking eggs and particularly advanced skills such as...

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  • Perry Mason Perry Mason is a faux Masonic handshake perpetuated to reveal imposters. It is easily distinguishable from the real Masonic handshake by the use of the third semi-cuticle in the end phase of the...

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  • Planck Constant The Planck [sic] Constant is the length of the piece of wood used by Isaac Newton as a cummerbund.

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  • Green Green isn't a colour, but more a lack of any colour. The natural colour of nothing is green, this explains why you cannot touch grass or any leaves on a tree.

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  • Quincy Quincy Medical examiner is the staple diet of students (most students being too poor to afford food). Students who are too poor to afford a TV die very quickly. when Quincy wasn't shown for 2 years...

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  • windows SP2 Windows SP2 was created by a small worm called David who lives in Washington DC. When not writing programmes, David enjoys maintaining the lawn of the White House while reading FHM.

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  • Gurkha Joanna Lumley has been one of the countries best loved gurkhas for over 230 years. Gurkhas generally have a distinctive appearance due to the pickling required to exacerbate their longievity.

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  • Oklahoma In the state of Oklahoma, the first sylable of Oklahoma should be voiced at approximately 4 times the volume of the rest of the word, and with a short pause after the initial 'O'.

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  • Baskets It is estimated that between 1979 and 1986, over 90% of all food sold in American restaurants was served in a basket. The resulting boom and bust in wickerware forced hundreds of thousands of skilled...

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  • Masking Tape Masking Tape is considered a commercial failure, as every mask constucted from the tape resembles mummification bandages. Masking tape sales triple during the month of October.

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  • Cellar Boys (Buoys) Up until the early eighties, lager and cider were pumped from the cellar to the bar with the use of young boys, 4 feet tall or under, called cellar boys, who would run on a giant hamster-wheel,...

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  • Bolton Bolton was originally a floating island before it was permentantly tethered and bolted to the coast of England. Natives of Bolton are still furious about this and consider themselves part of Paraguay.

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  • Jamwich Unsuccessful product developed by Robinsons and Kingsmill. It attempted to combine a loaf of sliced bread with pre-spread jam. Robinsons later developed this idea, adding chunks of bread to jars of...

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  • care bears Care Bears don't actually care, especially about the enviroment. They have been found to produce 4 times more Methane than Cows. When questioned about this, they tried to blame their problem on a...

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  • Plumbing A common practice in plumbing is to smear marmite on the inside of pipes. This makes the water taste very beefy in the first few days, then becomes less noticable. The benefit of this is that the...

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  • Facts A fact is actually a type of homemade lemon curd, usually served out of Tommy Coopers fez, served with a spork.

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  • Gravity Gravity is named for Isaac Newtons extreme partiality to gravy. Among his non-scientific works are several improved recipes for Yorkshire puddings.

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  • Robert Mugabe Robert Gabriel Mugabe, Prime Minister of Zimbabwe, has spent nearly US$1 trillion in government cash trying to capture the moon. The closest he's got so far is a giant ladder, and an oversized harpoon...

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  • Molecules Scientists have calculated that if molecules were 3-6 across, they'd be covered in curly hair.

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  • Transport Secretary By UK law, the transport secretary must only use transport themed stationary such as: A London bus pencil sharpener; A Thomas the Tank Engine pencil case; A Quantas airways pen. Although not strictly...

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  • Leadership Takeover It has been rumoured that David Miliband is planning to launch a nationwide competition to see who can draw the best picture of Gordon Brown crying. The rumours have met with denial, but it is...

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  • Sooty Matthew Corbett was the only person who could control popular handpuppet Sooty. This is because Matthew Corbett lacks any feeling in his right hand, and Sooty's head is full of pins.

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  • Locomotive Locomotive literally means crazy reason . It comes from the fact that despite the trains top speed, most of the time it's actually quicker to walk.

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  • Armoire In the 15th Century, French knights used to wear heavy oak armour concealing various secret drawers and pockets. It is from this we get the armoire, or dressing table.

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  • Thames The river Thames (pron. 'Temmes') is notorious for its size and murky brown waters. Various attempts have been made to clean up the river, and the latest effort has seen excellent results, with...

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  • Gravy Boat A gravy boat was a kind of transport popularised in the 18th century. It gains its name from the murky waters of the Thames. With the advent of steam, focus moved onto gravy trains, and later gravy...

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  • Hewlett Packard HP stands not for Hewlett Packard, but none other than Hercule Poirot.

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  • Maracas Ambuila Mambumbo (aka El Musa) is the Mexican musician alleged to have sold his soul to the devil to become the greatest maraca player in the world.

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  • Alien Invasion The official UK government response to alien invasion will be to form an orderly queue, followed by a petition, and possibly referendum over 'what's all this bloody nonsense about then. Eh?'.

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  • Fore The Fore is a special move in golf. It is considered etiquette to shout the name of the move while attempting it.

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  • Bastion A castle used by bastards.

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  • Chinchillas A chinchilla is a tortilla cut into a beard shape. It is worn at ritual sacrifices in Mexico.

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  • Flying Mammals Bats only fly left out of a cave if they really feel like it. They are all right-winged.

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  • Clouds and Mountains It has been known, under very specific weather conditions, for clouds to bounce off mountains. A resulting top-spin may cause localised so-called mini-spinners . Should this hit another group of...

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  • Sock Parade The Sock Parade was considered the highlight of the year for many in Nazi Germany.

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  • Blarney Stone It is considered good luck to headbutt the blarney stone as hard as you can. The more you do this, the luckier you will be. One man headbutted the stone so much, he won the lottery 3 weeks in a row -...

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  • Curry Legend has it that curry was developed as a way to disguise rotten meat. The actual correct reason, was to use up the ever increasing stocks of spices, particularly curry powder.

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  • Madame Tussauds The famous waxworks museum has struck a lucrative deal with celebrities in the past; upon the death of the star, they are stuffed and mounted and a wax likeness takes the bodies' place at the funeral....

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  • Freddie Mercury Freddy Mercury produced a constant high-pitched wail whenever his mouth wasn't closed.

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  • Beetroot Scientists have developed a way to measure the social behaviour of fruit and vegetables. Beetroot is entirely inconsiderate.

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  • Trilby The trilby is based on the trillobite.

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  • Manchego The Spanish cheese, manchego, is made by eating a secret recipe of 8 other cheeses, then vomiting them back into a special container and maturing it.

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  • Microsoft Office The new version of Microsoft Office Professional will be no different to the home version except for the fact that it has the equivilent of 10 sick days per year, and requires a 30-day...

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  • Pringles Professional atheletes use pringles to perpetuate movement.

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  • Crate A crate is defined as a wooden box containing at least 12 of the same thing . A pallet is a crate with one side.

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  • Skip Lunch Cliff Richard insists that his lunch be bought to him in a large skip. If this does not happen, he becomes boisterous, and threatens to become 'un-christian'.

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  • Seagulls Seagulls only eat oysters. They use any other food they find to create a nest.

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  • Seagull-lore Contrary to popular belief, seagulls can cry. However, they only do when they hear the sound of mistletoe berries falling onto the cold and unforgiving ground. This reminds them of a moving seagull...

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  • Tom Hagen Tom Hagen (of Hagen-Dazs) went on to found Electrolux after successfully burning his half of the company.

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  • Christmas Cracker The Christmas cracker was invented as a weapon by Bernard Manning, as a way of eliminating his enemy; the Woman, and the Child.

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  • Jehovas Witnesses Jehovas Witnesses are saving money with unsurpassed fervour, as they love economic downturn, and careful banking is their preferred method of expressing joy.

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  • Bossanova The perpetually changing structure of the bossanova means that it is always the newest style of music - although on December 13th 2003, the general consensus was that it sounded rather like Jazz for...

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  • Nuclear Weapons It is possible to constuct a nuclear bomb using nothing more than toothpaste, raisins, and some common or garden plutonium. For this reason the UN has applied trade restrictions on the dried fruit to...

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  • Raisins Raisins don't emit radiation, but they do permit it to be radiated.

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  • Harvester Food eaten at a Harvester is always the same high quality, thanks to a patented process involving die-cast moulds and a team of skilled painters.

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  • Radium Radium is an essential component in televisions, radios, mobile phones, and many other electrical appliances. If dropped or exposed to shock, it can become slightly radioactive.

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  • Maniac Mansion When it was released, PC adventure game Maniac Mansion had a secret code that when entered, unlocked a full working copy of the upcoming Monkey Island 4 game.

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  • Idiom The term idiom was originally coined by Plato to describe a saying he thought was stupid.

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  • Blowfish Blowfish are so called, because their plastic-bag like body causes them to be gusted around busy town centres if ever removed from the sea.

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  • Whipped Cream A products desirability increases directly in proportion to its proximinity to whipped cream.

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  • Lewis Hamilton British racing man Lewis Hamilton, is actually from the Seychelles, but is so ashamed of his native country, he obscures it with falsified documents. When surprised or angry, he often ejaculates in...

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  • Mary Whitehouse Mary Whitehouse loved to cry. Her addiction was so great, that she arranged to have valuable property stolen, and beloved family members killed or abducted. The day of Princess Diana's death (on which...

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  • Leonard Nimoy Legendary athelete Leonard Nimoy has created his own language, made up entirely of hip-thrusts.

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  • Electron Microscope The largest electron microscope in the world is made up of over 3000 electrons.

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  • Weightlessness Astronauts can choose whether or not to become weightless.

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  • Jeremy Clarkson Jeremy Clarkson is constantly being confused with Arthus C Clarke and Arthur Scargill, but never lets on the truth, due to the large quantity of computer storage and mining equipment he is offered as...

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  • Marshmallow The Vatican officially denied, and refused to acknowledge marshmallow until a surprise reversal in 2003.

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  • Cup Holders Cup holders were originally a tubular shape, with a handle and a closed bottom. At some point, people started drinking straight from the holder rather than the cup, and the name was shortened to...

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  • Frank Bruno The letter 'E' causes Frank Bruno's head to swell by 0.01% every time it's used. It also tickles his brain, making him laugh.

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  • Frenchmen Most Frenchmen carry a sring of onions/garlic around their neck, should they be required to cook something at a moments notice. Many also carry a portable hob and a full set of kitchen accessories...

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  • RyanAir Troubled airline RyanAir have employed a specialty chef to overhaul their in-flight menu. Passengers must now enjoy smashed-up potatoes and crisps.

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  • The Great Pyramids of Giza It is a little known fact that nearly all Egyptians hate the pyramids and keep trying to destroy them.

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  • Quincy Family Practice Center The Quincy Family Practice Center, Illinois, offers over 200 different families, with scenarios from husbandry to childbirth.

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  • Bob Dylan Bob Dylans original name was Dylan Bobb. In 1945, he created a concept album in which he berates a pear for over 2 hours before screaming a string of obscenities. The album was not a success, and...

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  • Roger McGough Roger McGough is a hermit. He wears only a one-piece body stocking which he has been sewn into, and cannot remove.

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  • The Crybabies Unsuccessful 1960's folk-rock band featuring Barry Cryer

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  • 1812 Overture Tchaikovsky famously scored the 1812 Overture with cannons, but this was not the only weapon he implemented into his music. In his less well known piece regarding ninjas, shuriken and rice flails are...

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  • Interplanetary Distance The distance between Earth and the other planets in the solar system - even the closest planets, Mars and Venus - is so great, that no-one has sucessfully booked enough time off work to get there and...

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  • NCP National Car Parks (NPC) have the largest industrial carpark in the world in Boston England. To test the integrity and structural stability of this giant carpark 50 people are employed to fill it and...

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  • Rick Astley Rick Astley's hit Never gonna give you up uses soundwave vibrations calibrated to liquify the internal organs of anyone in range. This kick-started a trend for 'Mushy' love songs.

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  • Lateness It is possible, although rare for someone to be terribly late. The most terrible instance was when a doctor at St Thomas' Hospital in Lambeth, London, England, turned up 3 hours late. Whilst this...

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  • Death Penalty Many Americans agree with the death penalty, but on closer inspection, it becomes clear that many think the death penalty is an annual nation-wide barbeque.

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  • Philosophy The French have no concept whatsoever of philosophy - it just happens that very simple things confuse the Frenchman. For example, when Eric Cantona remarked When the seagulls follow the trawler, it...

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  • Odeon There is no such word as 'Odeon'. It was intended to be Onion cinemas, but the founder had a blocked nose when arranging for the signs to be made and other general PR.

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  • Radiohead Thom Yorke of Radiohead uses a complicated, patented procedure to write songs. A pen on a string is attached to some wet paint. As it dries and hardens, the sound from the paint is recorded, distorted...

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  • Short Change Being 'short changed' today means receiving less change back from an exchange than you should. Originally, an unscrupulous shopkeeper would distract a customer while they carefully sawed a coin or two...

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  • Ferris Wheel The Ferris Wheel was a unicycle branded with Matthew Brodericks image.

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  • Eskimo Most Eskimos can teleport, but choose not to. Eskimos are unable to vote.

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  • Bells Whiskey Bells whiskey was originally developed to be marketed with Whistles cigars. Originally thought the stronger of the pair, the cigar line was cancelled after market tests proved the high pitched noise...

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  • Treachery Treachery is Burt Lancaster's favorite word. He often goes to extreme lengths to introduce this word in conversation.

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  • Rye Bread Rye bread is made using stale tea.

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  • Sliced Bread The reason many in the North of England hold sliced bread in such esteem, is that the prevailing technique prior to this, was to peel the loaf from the inside out, like an orange.

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  • Sizing The BBC (British Broadcasting Corperation) were recently penalised for sizing up the competition from 4000, to over 2 million entries.

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  • Sunny Delight Sunny Delight was withdrawn from sale after consumers complained of flashbacks.

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  • Tooth Comb In the Victorian era, dental hygene was so bad that many people only possessed nerve-endings. The rich would keep these dangling protrusions in order with use of a fine tooth-comb.

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  • Gordon Ramsey Gordon Ramsey has revealed an age-old chef trick; by rubbing a knife and fork against a delicious side of beef, anything eaten with the cutlery afterwards will taste delicious.

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  • Cuttlefish Cuttlefish (from Cutlery fish) shells make an ideal substitute when cutlery is unavailable. The downside is that everything tastes slightly of cuttlefish.

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  • Damien Hirst Damien Hirst plans, upon his death, to be disected and suspended in formaldehyde in a similar manner to some of his works of art. Pressure from collectors is growing, as they say if he waits too long...

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  • J Edgar Hoover J Edgar Hoover left us with many lasting legacies, but the most ambitious, which never reached fruition, was the 'Squaring of the States'. The plan was to divert rivers and square off lakes until...

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  • Knobs The manufacture of the first run of colour televisions in the late sixties caused an unexpected economic side-effect. As all TVs now came fitted with an additional 'Colour' knob, a worldwide knob...

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  • Anaesthetic In some parts of the world, the only form of anaesthetic available is to wrap rubber bands around until the affected area becomes purple.

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  • Scarborough Fair Art Garfunkel has a replica of Scarborough Fair in his attic. He is considering a comeback album after squandering his entire fortune at the coconut shy.

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  • Johannesteijsmannia Johannesteijsmannia is a type of palm tree named after the 7 people that discovered it.

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  • Sony Sony entered the videogame market unsuccessfully several times before the Playstation broke through. All previous attempts were made under Sonys otherwise successful you can never have enough pillows...

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  • Batter In the North of England, tapwater is supplemented with lemon as a safeguard from scurvey due to the popular all-batter diets.

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