If all the world's Alans got together for an Alan Convention on the Isle of Wight, the temperature of the planet would decrease by 1ÂșC. Time would also have to be decimalised.

Allens are not invited.

Alains are designed to explode if they come within two miles of the coast of the Isle of Wight, so it's best that they don't attend.

Starts at 1pm, bring a bottle



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